I posted here in May that I had a plan but couldn’t find a way to make everything happen, and it was frustrating beyond words. Shortly after that my on again/off again partner came back into my life and while the constant feeling of not wanting to be here was still there, it was dialed down a bit. He told me a few weeks ago that he is moving to another state to reunite with his wife (he’s been separated for two years), so things got dialed right back up. I got lucky, though, and found a doable plan that has little chance of failing […]
Tag:
in pain
Soot filled lungs and fire in my veins.Exhale smoke and breathing in pain.The air is a curse, it keeps me alive. It could be worse, but I still wanna die. Institutionalized. Darkness clouded my eyes. I’m so sick of the same old lies. God please put the sun in the sky. Staccato bursts of pain and I cry. Little lines etched in my thigh. I keep whispering my beautiful lie, we keep saying our beautiful lie. I’m okay, yes, I’m just fine. I’m so sick of these same old lies.
Her heart is hurting
Her body is aching.
The scars aren’t fading
The memories aren’t leaving.
She runs in pain
She fights and hides.
That girl is falling
That girl is fading.
Her wirsts are bleeding
Her mind is closing.
The bleeding is ending
The blade goes cold.
She sees the light
She runs towards it.
That girl is leaving
That girl is gone. –
g.r.
———-
Written by me…
I’m new here so I hope I don’t stuff this. I’ve been feeling really down now for about 8 years. I’ve made many soft attempts at suicide, I guess in an attempt to get help. I am becoming more and more depressed to a point where I can’t function in almost any way. I used to have such pride and such a desire to keep trying even if I felt all the demons circling me every day. Now I couldn’t care less about anything and I miss caring even if it was in a small way. I have nothing going on in my life. I’ve […]
I think I will finally end it all today. This will be the second time I try to kill myself, but this time I’m not going to take some pills. I have a razor blade next to me and plan to get in the shower and cut myself open. I just wanna tell my story to someone and anyone who is willing to read this. This is not an impulsive thing I’ve been in pain for a very long time and am so tired of trying to hold on. I was bullied all of my life, and no I’m not exaggerating, ever since I started […]
Tic tok
the time has come
with 1 swipe
i am done
my days are numbered
i cant keep running
i got to stop
no reason to live
while i am in pain
i cant contain
what i have unleashed
but at least i gave
a good fight
-brian
Most people in life have many people who would miss them… I have 1.
My entire life reads like a greek tragedy. First my mother didn’t want me and gave me health problems in an attempt to abort, then my siblings abused me physically (and sexually in one case), Then as I grew older the abuse got worse when we moved by my grandfather. My dad was never really around, and my family didn’t want, need, or had any wish to even see me… my mother would leave me places in the hopes I’d get taken and only my sister seemed to care (she was much […]
I changed my mind.
Every day I come home to being screamed at my family hurting me calling me worthless ect. I was just so tired ive been bullied since 4th grade I am a junior in high school and all the bullying bullshit hurts some people don’t know what bullying can cause to you I have scars all over my body but yet I liked the pain I felt when that raz0r would cut my skin and the blood drip on the floor I ran to my room and I got the razor 1cut,2cuts,3cuts,4cuts I looked down I was in my own puddle of blood I was and […]
Hi, I’ve been in pain my whole life. I’ve been treated for depression since I was 11 (I’m in my early 40’s). I’ve tried every antidepressant and combinations (don’t tell me I haven’t, I’ve been a nurse for over 20 years, I understand the pharmaceutical interventions available) as well as behavioral and cognitive therapy, nothing works. In October of 2012 I injured my back severely because my wife asked me to lift her. I was on opanna, dilaudid, Percocet, etc. Nothing helped. I saw multiple surgeons, physical therapy, epidural blocks, and a chiropractor but nothing helped. The opiates affected my sexual performance.
My wife of 15 […]
Once upon a memory, a nightmare, yet a memory that still haunts me, I traced a horizontal line across my wrist. One, two, three, four times with a sharp object, breaking skin, stinging, causing a mild bleed. Fifth time, force applied, the sharp object went to and through my wrist and out the other side. I screeched in pain, I bit my lip, I sunk my teeth in, my eyes watered. I sat and stared at the damage I had done. That was the first time, more attempts followed…Still I endure…
I’ve been depressed for years. Abused at an early age by a neaighbor.. That was the start. I got into trouble hung out with the assholes for no reason other them they were in pain too. I have a beautifal family who i love so much. It kills me to be the way i am. I went to prison i hurt people in fights and i paid dearly for it. I found out one day that i wasn’t like the sociopaths i was surrounded by and i had a massive nervous breakdown. I was. Sent to a psych ward and then i spent 18 months […]
I feel alone, but not the kind of lonely where I have friends who ignore me. I feel as if I am trapped in a crowded room, full of people who used to make me smile. But, now, they don’t notice me. I can stand in the center, scream at the top of my lungs, but none of them would notice.
I feel empty inside. Like an abandoned building, rotting away and about to collapse. No one wants to be around, but when someone does come around, it’s just as a bet or to toy around.
I have no family that cares anymore. I got […]
she looked at her blades
then looked at her wrist
she misses the feeling
her scars are fading
she was staying strong for so long
she finially gave in
she put the blade on the her wrist
she knew all that work was for nothing
she began to cry
she sat there in pain
becuase she knew she was insane
palying with friends turned into playing with blades. broken toys turn into broken hearts. best friends turn into strangers. happiness turns into pain. this isnt a phase it is reality. this thing about pain is it demands to be felt. i just wish i could have one more day with out being sad. its like im drowning and everyone above me is just saying swim. you see i cant be foxed no matter how many cuts i make no matter how many pills i take. i will always live in pain… theres not a thing i can do about it.
I opened this account around a year ago I think. I’ve referred two of my friends to this cite for things they couldn’t talk about. And I still have other friends with depression. I don’t understand the double standard of “I can be in pain, I can cut, I can try to die, but you can’t.”
I don’t exactly feel a whole lot anymore. About anything really. I don’t feel anything for myself one bit. I feel quite a bit for others who have pain but I always treat myself like shit. I know I shouldn’t but I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s just kind of natural for me to do it. I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time until others tell me to stop being negative or that I shouldn’t say such things. Eventually they make reasons for not being able to get together and then they stop calling all together. Leaving you […]
Though no one that knows me will ever see this, I felt it necessary to write these last words. I don’t know why.
Tonight, it will end. Thirty-one years was too long to stay alive. My mother should have aborted me instead of abandoning me at the hospital. I wish I hadn’t thrown up the pills when I was ten. I wish the gun hadn’t misfired when I was fourteen. I wish I would’ve jumped off the bridge on my eighteenth birthday, instead of losing courage. I was told to hold on and be strong as a child. As a teenager, I was told my twenties […]
I’m freaking out. I’m fucking freaking out. I can’t wait anymore. I want her. I want her to want me. Why is she taking so much time ? Why doesn’t she miss me ? Why doesn’t she come back regretting everything and saying I’m the love of her life ? It’s not fair. Stupid shitty life. I don’t deserve this and I’m sick and tired to collapse under your vicious hits. This girl is meant for me and she doesn’t even realize it. She doesn’t even want me. What will I do, alone and miserable in my stupid small apartment. Without her. Without everyone.
I won’t […]
I never thought it would come to this
I never thought I would cry
But now I’m finally broken
And now I want to die.