Im 26 today. Every day i live is another day i pray to die. How fucked up is that. I keep praying to god that he’ll just take me his own way. Car accident. Heart attack. Allergic reaction. The flu. Some crazy disease. Cancer. Being hit by a car. Even kidnapping, I dont really care anymore. Ive already been raped… Rape and murder would be better than this shit. I just dont want to get to the point where i have to do it myself. Why cant i just accidentally take the wrong step going up the stairs and, bam, thats all she wrote. Its crazy […]
Tag:
in the
I’ve spent most of my life being suicidal. Every single day I wake up and wonder if it’s going to be my last. I exist in a dissociated haze or fog 99% of the time. I really hate my life. I don’t so much hate my job — I think I just hate doing anything that takes any effort… like I am just so thoroughly tired that I don’t give a shit enough to lift a finger for myself anymore. I just want to not work and wait for the credit card to run out and then kill myself.
Over the past seven years I’ve drifted […]
im a big big losser , i failed in everything in my life . i failed to get a job even im an engineer , failed to get a driving lisecnce even im 24 years old but i keep fail in the exam. i failed in love and she cheated on me . i failed in my body and i gained 35 lb and lost my hair
how my life can get worse than this ?!?!?!
My anxious is peeking and for the stupidest of reasons. I just want to go home, get in bed and sleep the next week away. There is a pretty high probability I am going to run into an ex next week. Ideally, I don’t want to run into her, nor have her know I’m in the building, but life likes to throw these tests at us.
Even though I am going to do everything in my power to avoid meeting face to face, I just can’t stop planning out how such a potential interaction will go. Why do I keep planning and analyzing a future situation […]
I overdosed about 3 months ago and was involuntarily baker-acted. That was when my family became aware of the magnitude of my bipolar type II disorder.
I have battled with mental illness most of my adult life. Things have gotten worse.
I am about to turn 50. I had a successful career where I made very good money. I worked in publishing, an industry that is all but dead. I had a nice house, a couple of cars, a boat. Things weren’t perfect, but they were OK. Then I left my job to work from home on my wife’s business, and take care of my newborn daughter. Long […]
one day im fine , the next im not..
it hurts holding it all in, having small things trigger breakdowns. Popping the pill to make it all go away for a bit, but its still there..in the darkness waiting for the perfect moment to strike once again and making you shatter into a million pieces.
Unrepairable.
Damaged.
Well, where do I start? I’ll start with the reason I decided to even consider writing this. Well while messing around on my laptop, I realized I haven’t left my room for a week, minus going to the bathroom, eating, and showering. After that I realized I’ve been in my room for a lot of my life. I’m not very close with my mom, I push her away when she tries to get close. I have plenty of friends, I just prefer to stay in my room and talk to people over the internet. I left my room last week to go on a walk […]
What a fun site. The chance to share the most private of thoughts.
Where to begin…
By all accounts you would think that my life was perfect, or close enough. Very successful in my field, well-loved by my community, a fun set of hobbies, not in financial crisis. So what’s wrong?
I’ve always suffered from depression. Thoughts of suicide. My wife has been great at keeping me out of it. But over the years, she has grown so very distant. I don’t think she is cheating on me; it’s not in her personality. But these days she’s a roommate, nothing more. Intimacy has dried up to infrequent… and […]
I’m 16 years old and I’m considering suicide. My life is so useless I’m nothing but a leeche that sucks off my mother and fathers hard working cash. everytime I try to look at my sister to say hi she looks at me as if I was a creep . My own brother calls me a fatty and never stops saying it but he’s right. I’m addicted to gaming and this has led to my bad grades and I could never make my mom and dad proud. I’m so lazy and a waste of space this is all my fault I’m obese and I have […]
Im an 18 year old male college student, and I’m home for the summer but have no friends and nobody to talk to, just myself and my thoughts… I can’t take it anymore. I almost failed out of college last semester because I slept through half my classes and stopped doing my work. There’s a lot of cool people I’ve met at college but I’ve slowly been distancing myself from them because of what I’m going to do. In 2 weeks I start work for a month and the tuesday after I finish work, I’m buying a gun and taking a bus somewhere way out […]
I guess the days are painful. A type of pain that will never go away. There is nothing I can do about it. Nothing that anyone can do about it. The pain will never stop. I cry for help, but there is no point. The pain will never subside. The more I beg my mind for mercy, the more in punishes me. The mind is powerful, finding enjoyment and release in the most painful of things. The splitting and burning sensation of ones skin, the self inflicted pain creating such indescribable pleasure is frightening. The pain is good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NfnXdXpjL0
This song constantly makes me think about my ex, it breaks my heart but in the comforting relatable way where you hate yourself but you know someone else feels the same too.
“Goodbyes
And the Autumn night when we realised
We were falling out of love
But we never did.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shdiTRxTJb4
One was watching the other day a red-tailed hawk, high in the heavens, circling effortlessly,
without a beat of a wing, just for the fun of flying, just to be sustained by the air-currents.
Then it was joined by another, and they were flying together for quite a while;
they were marvellous creatures in that blue sky,
and to hurt them in any way is a crime against heaven.
Of course there is no heaven; man has invented heaven out of hope, for his life has become a hell,
an endless conflict from birth to death, coming and going, making money, working endlessly.
This life […]
I’m a 42 year old woman and I have battled depression all of my life.  I have three serious failed suicide attempts that landed me in ICU.  I’m suffering from a clinical depression and I’m on four anti-depressants that are not giving me any relief.  I’m such a burden on my family that I don’t want to live anymore.  My mom has been with me for 12 weeks and is going back home in a couple of days.  I had to move back in with my ex-husband because I could not take care of myself.  I stopped eating because I had no appetite.  I feel guilty […]
It may be more accurate to say I’m looking for a soul-healer. I don’t mean anything religious, but back in the time of the ancient Greeks, people would go to a philosopher to discuss the troubles of life, the troubles of the soul, in an attempt to find meaning or peace or whatever. But in today’s world soul-healing is now psychology and falls under the purview of medicine and the law.
Ideally, the client/therapist relationship should be a safe place for the client to talk to the therapist about anything. I believe that the only way the client/therapist relationship can work is if the client can […]
I think the scariest thing in life is the thought of settling; the thought of giving into the false expectations of this world…just falling in line and becoming yet another emotionless face in the crowd. Just mindlessly going through the motions to the point where everyday feels the exact same. To the point where passions become colorless and dreams become meaningless. Whether it be in a job, a relationship, your environment, or maybe a combination of the three. We tell ourselves that this will never happen to us, but before you know it, the repetitiveness starts to set in; the dullness becomes more and more […]
Everyone sees me as the “happy person” ready to cheer anyone up, but what they dont see is what im truly feeling broken, damaged, hurt, depressed, useless etc. I dont fit like everyone else , im just like that puzzle peice that never fits in any spot because it wasnt meant to be there in the first place.
“im trying to find the world that a belong to, its just not this one..im just passing through..”
I’m waiting and…
it’s summer but … I say this and I’m not sure if anyone care but maybe you can suggest me sth to do .
I’m waiting for someone and if she call me oh…I cannot even imagine but I’ll be the most happy human in the world now I am just praying and…
I’m sure God will help us and…
oh I am toooo excited sorry!
I’m just tired o being the fuck up of my family. I’m 19 and I go to community college and work part time and am not allowed to move out. Meanwhile my 2 sisters both got in to Ivy League schools (one is attending Harvard grad school in the fall) and they haven’t worked a day in there lives and get a monthly allowance. I’m family ignores me and everyone moved away. I live with my grandparents and we have nothing in common my grandma is 80 an my grandad has dementia. Tonight was just the final straw we went out to dinner and he […]
June Carter Cash and Johnny Cash sang Farside Banks of Jordan (copywright blah,blah blah) but it makes me think of you Jeff…
I believe my steps are growin’ wearier each day
Still I’ve got another journey on my mind
The lures of this old world have ceased to make me wanna stay
My one regret is leavin’ you behind
But if it proves to be His will that I am first to cross
And somehow I’ve a feelin’ it will be
When it comes your time to travel likewise, don’t feel lost
For I will be the first thing that you’ll […]