For those that remember me I tried killing myself and ended up in a treatment center for twenty three days. Â How have you all been?
Did you ever wanted that every human being had a restart button and start all over again? well, that’s all i ever wanted since i start to feel this way, empty, usseles, no loved, but no, you need to learn how to live with it, you need to learn how to deal with every day, i don’t think i’m learning to, i don’t like this world, i don’t like my life, i don’t like anyone around me, Â I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS WANT TO FEEL LOVED, I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS DEPEND ON SOMEONE, Â i hate myself, but sorry, killing myself […]
Starring at my food but I can not eat it,
Laying in my bed but I am not sleeping,
Crying in my room and I keep it top secret,
Because people tell me they care but they do not mean it.
I’m cut open, even thought I am not bleeding.
My heart’s broken, so Imma make it stop beating.
Someone runs in the room and screams,
“He’s not breathing!”
I’m rushed to the hospital to have a Doc treat it,
But he cannot beat it, there`s no time at all,
Cause I just popped some pills with some Tylenol,
And 3 bottles of antidepressants, and Zam […]
… I just can’t give those bastards the satisfaction.
I have an appointment this afternoon with my therapist. Â Do I tell him that my suicidal thoughts are beginning to reoccur with greater frequency? Â For so long since I was hospitalized last year, I’ve been free of thoughts of killing myself.
I don’t want to go back into the hospital or into a residential mental health facility because I’ve admitted my depression is growing. Â I also don’t want to disappoint my family by relapsing.
This weekend my wife, my oldest daughter, and I visited my youngest daughter who’s away at college. Â I was very irritable, probably more so than at any time since I was treated. Irritability […]
So I’m trying to find another way to do this whole ‘not killing myself’ thing. I’m starting to put my poetry out there too, so if anyone wants to read it or comment in it, the link is http://hellopoetry.com/lookingforeuphoria/
er, thanks and don’t be scared to hate it.
I wish I wasn’t so tired all the time. I just want to go perminately to sleep.
I can’t stop the need to kill myself. The only relief I get is cutting, and now I want to strip the flesh from my body so I can try feel at piece. I would like a time when I don’t have death on my mind and have a time of piece without killing myself.
The thing that make me doubt the most about killing myself… it’s that I fear I would not really get this relief feeling that I’m searching for. You know, you’re in pain, and you just don’t want to feel it anymore… but I think that when you’re dead, you don’t even realize that the pain is gone, ’cause you know, you’re not alive to feel it. If I could be guaranteed that there is something after death. That there’s another world where you can enjoy not to be alive anymore… i would be gone for a while now.
So there was someone who saw my scars and cuts and asked me if I was trying to kill myself. It’s not the first time someone has asked me that. Someone who cuts doesn’t always want to kill themselves. A lot of people actually just cut for relief and not to die. If they wanted to die by cutting then they would probably be dead already. It annoys me a lot when people ask me if I was trying to kill myself. And then I have to go and explain everything to them which I don’t wanna do, so I don’t really. And the scars […]
I wrote my first blog here earlier last year:Â A Wasted Life… and hopefully my last is going to be posted sometime next year. This one was quite unplanned and most unexpected but after thinking about it for a little while, I just had to go ahead and write it… okay, so here goes. I live with two people who I greatly care for but one of them’s like seriously terminally ill and he isn’t really capable of taking care of himself anymore, he’s also extremely isolated now since he’s pretty well housebound most of the time. I’ve been living with him for years, trust me […]
I’m not entirely sure what I’m thinking by posting this. I’ve kept to myself for all this time, no one is going to read this, and no one on here cares anymore than anyone around here. I mean, people say the words, but they don’t really mean them. You can hear, “I DO care about you!” but as soon as they say that, they’re off doing something else. But I guess if I’ve come this far, if I typed the words on the search engine that led me to this website, if this really is some low blow at getting suicidal people reported, whatever the reason […]
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