I guess the temptation is to just say fuck it, and paint my brains all over the walls. My last act would be clicking back the hammer, like cracking open the most refreshing can of soda ever. But I guess for now I’ll have to settle for blasting some music in my headphones. It’s like sipping on lemonade because you’re literally on fire. Kudos
Faking it.
From the outside I have it all. Unfortunately my mind is plagued with trauma, depression, and intense anxiety… leaving me in an existential haze in order to cope; I am merely going through the motions. I used my looks and my body to get through college and thought I would regain my sanity afterwards, but thats not the case. I now have a useless degree, too many therapists, lost a soul mate, and a mind that won’t cease come nightfall. […]
It’s been a brutal semester. I just need to get this out, so I can concentrate on completing my final paper. I’m feeling tremendously overwhelmed. Failure weighs heavily, on my mind, I got kicked out of university my first year, I took too many classes, yes my parents pressured me, but I could have said no and I missed the deadline to withdraw without penalty. One of my friend’s had the same problem and she found out we could talk to the dean, I didn’t show up for my appointment with the dean because I believed all the things I had ever heard about myself […]
I don’t really know why I’m here. Just to vent I guess.. Well I’m 17. I’ve been depressed for god knows how long. I don’t really get along that great with my dad or mom. They both abuse me. I cut myself sometimes. I recently had to get stitches cause I went to far with the cutting. My boyfriend of 4 months was really the only reason I wanted to be alive, and didn’t kill myself. But tonight I received a text from his sister.. it said “Hey my brother is talking to other girls and my brother says that he loves them to you […]
My lack of tenacity to anything and everything applies I guess just as well to my suicidal thoughts. They come and go but they are never enough to make me actually do anything. Its more a coping thing. It has been a few months since I have felt this low and un-like reality, when I ***** about my petty white kid problems you all kind of listen. Which is cool so I can keep my crazy priviate and un-identified. Since I am obviously to ***** to do it I have decided begrudgingly take on reality head on for thirty days. Thirty days just giving it […]