I’m only alive because
of the smell of blacktop on a humid day after
it rains; and rain itself—thunderstorms
lightning thrills like riding in the car with
my brother; loud music of the
“i don’t give a fuck” type
and running; holding breath dizzy
passing out on grass–wet grass; alcohol
burning my mouth–tingling and drugs;
the feeling of living that isn’t
real and sunrise; a new beginning fresh start
clean sheets; white pure and snow; dark quiet
night–talking, skater boys; in the park smoking
under the gazebo; stars bright—Orion
finding trees in the stars because
I am dead
on the inside;
the smell of cold—death; […]
It’ll get better you just gotta wait! I’ve been waiting for years and nothing has changed. And you still say have hope, well has that helped? Nope.
never has, never will and yet you keep saying it still.
“Don’t give up J, it will”
It will in a pill, it will in a rope. Stop saying have hope i’d rather slit my throught, there’s no better way to go than fast and quiet, though iv’e never had the guts to even try it.
Someday i’ll be too weak,
someday i’ll stop fighting. that day will be very exciting. energy would surge through me llike lightning. […]
I lay awake at night. Restless. Another sleepless night. The voices spin me around like one of those carnival rides we used to love so much. Out of control. Disoriented. Vertigo.
Heartless. *****. Worthless.
Give me a chance! Forever Alone.
Sing better. Draw better. Play better.
I’ll try harder! A disappointment.
Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not kind enough.
I’ll be better! Never good enough.
Hated. Unloved. Pathetic.
Give me a chance! Not wanted.
STOP!
But the voices in my head don’t stop… they never stop. Of course these voices aren’t just in my head.
No wonder I don’t sleep.
I ask you to love me, protect me. This is your job isn’t it? Instead you […]
Please take this with you, & also pass it on to others.
“Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise people at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good people, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the […]
I think this is it. A lot of beer in me. I’m ready. I’m not afraid. I’m only afraid of my future which would be much easier if I didn’t have to deal with it. Texted a bunch of friends, it’s 3 am, why the fuck would they be texting me back? I had a great plan, a great plan full of what ifs. What if I found a job, what if I was happy, what if things would change the moment I moved 600 miles away. No, location doesnt change a thing. I dont know what to do anymore. I’m going to the park. […]
hey, guess what! i thought up some more!
AtTheEnd and those apples….
hippies
Woodstock
yum. tea.
popcorn
churros
chinese food
that feeling in the air after a nice storm of cleanliness and fresh beginnings
knowing y’all care
some nice lightning displays
those adorable couples who hug each other in public
my butterflies
singing in the rain
giving others hope
donating hair
tweeting #MyRaysOfSunshine for all to see! (y’all should join in! let’s make it a trending topic!)
receiving texts
emails, too!
oooo, and i LOVE getting letters in the mail!
that’s all for now, folks! y’all come back now, ya here?