I think this is it. A lot of beer in me. I’m ready. I’m not afraid. I’m only afraid of my future which would be much easier if I didn’t have to deal with it. Texted a bunch of friends, it’s 3 am, why the fuck would they be texting me back? I had a great plan, a great plan full of what ifs. What if I found a job, what if I was happy, what if things would change the moment I moved 600 miles away. No, location doesnt change a thing. I dont know what to do anymore. I’m going to the park. In the rain. With a knife in my pocket. Hoping a cop doesnt stop me and hoping I dont get struck by lightning lol. I just dont know what to do anymore. I hope this is it. I doubt it will be, but as I find myself sitting on a bench by a lake at night where no one knows… I hope I find the bravery to give it all up and let everything go. Sorry world. But I don’t know how tonight will turn out for me.
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12 comments
Wait you can’t kill yourself.
I’m lonely too please talk to me
I know it is a hour later but if you are still there I hope you are. I need to talk to someone I’m lonely. I came to some pretty cool break throughs and I have no one to share it with. Mostly things about life and love and I want to hear more of your story and why you are so sad. Please don’t be dead. Please …….
what the fuck? im not fucking lonely! i just hate my life! i hate that i cant go through with killing myself. left my bike, a knife, and my headphones at the park. god knows if a cop will come knocking on my door, asking what the fuck is going on. ive got plenty of people in my life. i just dont have a connection with anyone. i dont feel connected to anything. im lost in fantasies i know i will never achieve. im sick of thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, living. you dont know what the fuck you’re talking about.
im not sad. you’re not sad. you’re just too shoved into a self-wollowing despair. im far past that. i just feel stuck. im not even depressed anymore, i just reallize this shit isnt worth going through for 50 years. get help while you can, brother. its too fuckingl ate for me.
Sorry I’m too happy to be here. I seriously just wanted to shoot the shit. Sorry for ruining your self loathing. But, I have some advice before you virtually punch me if you haven’t already. Sometimes remembering who you really are helps a lot. Well, gotta go sorry for disturbing you I thought we might have a connection but you are in a lot of pain and obviously don’t want to talk to a happy person.
It’s not too late for you. Your alive aren’t you. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were so old I would’ve shown you more respect.
@james…. i know what you mean… my life got better, I didn’t feel better about it.. I have people around me, but no connections.. and 2 nights ago, I did very nearly the same thing. Shit’s hard to come back from….
@wordless, if we want “sunshine” we can always step outside and don’t call people “so old” that is beyond fucking rude.
@James I actually know exactly know what you are talking about the word is Nihilism but most people have no clue what the word really means.
@wolfenstein dude believe me i know plenty about nihilism. existential nihilism, schizoid personality disorder, blah blah blah…. fuck i dont know. im moving halfway across the country, hopefully ill be starting something new for myself. tonight i drank again, but my pizza is too good to make me kill myself. although i could really use a fucking cigarette haha
and no, im dead. thats why im still typing this shit. god damnit dude the reason i hate this site is because most of these fuckers are just middle school scene faggots. fuck all that shit. wait til you’re older, able to really understand life, getting drunk and high as often as you can. then come back to me with your shit. youll realize everyone on here is just too god damn selfish to deal with shit right. luckily for me, its easy and im lazy so i dont give a fuck at this point. ill be floating along for the next 50 years, if i make it that long.
who wants to work for 50 years than die? NOT FUCKING ME!
nihilism is also my ‘disorder’