Hello everyone, I have been on this site for a while,never really spoke about myself,not sure if someone is going to read this,but here goes anyway.I grew up in Brooklyn NY,im male Hispanic 36 years old.I never felt like I was a part of this world, I always felt different,always had different feelings towards people,feelings of compassion of helping others out.I never really understood why people were so evil.Why everyone just mostly cared about themselves.As a boy this is how I saw the world (and still do as an adult).Growing up I had 2 parents.For the most part my mother was always sweet and loving,never […]
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Little Baby
So, the story is: my family and I had as friends another family (my friend, her mom, her dad and her brother) since I was a little baby.
They were like family to me, my friend was like my sister, her brother was like my brother and her parents were like my second parents. They had always treated me VERY well, as part of the family, and so did we, we are all very united.
Problem is: my friend’s dad, in a point in my childhood, had sexually abused me. He didn’t rape me at all, just touched me and had ALOT of physical contact. I never […]
Fucking anxiety. For fucks sake.
I just had an awful dream. Where one of my biggest fears actually happened. Thats not a first, no. This time it was in my house though. I cant remember if some parts actually happened before, because thats what it feels like, or if its all made up.
I have to pee but its still dark. I woke up about an hour ago. Around 6:10 am. Ive been waiting for it to turn light. I cant sleep anymore because then Ill return to the dream. I actually just got myself to move so I finally got on my laptop. Havent gotten myself […]
Why?
I was only 5 years old. I was just a little girl. I didn’t know anything about sex or touching. But than it happened. I was at my uncles house because my mom and dad were working that night. Me and my little baby brother were sitting in my uncles lap that night. My little brother finally fell asleep. We were watching a movie, I remember the movie got to the part about the yellow brick road. My uncle put his hand down my Pj’s and put his finger in my butt. I remember it hurt really bad and I was tearing up. I […]
I watched a “19 Kids and Counting” episode yesterday that’s given me new perspective on life. It was about the mom who was pregnant with her 20th child and she went to her 18-week ultrasound appointment to find out if it was a boy or girl but then the u/s tech told them the baby did not have a heartbeat. They were devastated, of course, and it was so sad to watch. But on the other hand, it was neat to see how the family banded together through their grief and supported one another. (That’s kind of like this site, huh?) Anyway, seeing how much […]
Okay, so right now, I want to commit suicide badly, but I’m scared like a little baby. I actually took 5 paracetamols to make me feel a bit numb. But whenever I think of that person, I just can’t seem to do it. Oh, I am so tired of living through all this pain. I can’t tell someone cuz I’m afraid they’d think i just want to draw their attention. 🙁 I was actually okay yesterday, but when my grandma called tonight, she said some things about my mom which I didn’t like. I was so mad. I mean, why does she always tell me […]