the constant thoughts of suicide cross my mind. they never leave i dont feel they ever will. nobody really listens or quite understands my pain, the losses ive dealt with and the constant reminders of those losses. from being thrown in many hospitals screaming behind the lies my parents set before everyone to see really fucking killed me. nobody cared to hear my side and to this day still dont. they dont listen they dont care. i feel as if im better locked away with no worries. or a matter of fact just dead. nobody would miss me anyway i have nobody , they took […]
Tag:
Losses
sometimes silence can’t be undone.
I sit quietly and close my eyes.
I hear the world about me whir and buzz from a distance.
TV announcers raising their voices
debating this and that, arguments and choices
I wonder about the relevance
Of the questions of mice and men
inquiries abound, relentless in their prevalence
I grasp at them desperately, floating mid-air.
Always above my head
They fly by, with me unnoticed.
They tell me, that the answers to all my confusion
are just a step ahead, just a wisp away
But always my battles, end with Pyrrhic victories
Losses more than gains, condemned to mere memories
And…just
Just;
Just when I […]
If so, I’d like to know what it is. Life doesn’t seem worth it anymore. I came here out of desperation. I have nobody to share my feelings with. I am alone. I’m afraid to be close to people because they always hurt me in the end. Or maybe I’m alone because people generally do not want to be around me. “Freak,” they’ll call me, telling me how I am not worth their time. “Tell me, why haven’t you had a boyfriend? Are you lesbian?” They’ll ask me. Outraged, I deny, but they don’t believe me. It isn’t my fault nobody wants me. It isn’t […]
I’ve put a lot of effort into doing right by the people I’m close to. I have been far from perfect in those efforts. Mostly I’ve failed entirely. I guess the thing is, though, that I’ve tried to mend every mistake I’ve made. I’ve apologized, acknowledged my screw-ups and done my best to avoid future incidents.
In times when I haven’t been the one to screw up, I’ve been too forgiving of people. People who have decided that I am the kind of person who can toyed with, walked all over, and left to wait endlessly for fulfillment. People always let you down. That’s what I’ve […]
I am a 39 year old woman. I have a roof over my head, four cats who love me and a fiance who begs me to move here from my home in Albany. I long to be a part of a family again. WE are both addicts though and I fear this will be done in vain. Im not sure what’s worse though…going home to my empty apt. where my children don’t live due to my depression, it’s dirty as I have given up the desire to clean, I don’t wash the way I did, make up and professional haircuts don’t […]