More often than not, I think about what really drives me to wake up every morning. Is it the fact that my mom, a beautiful image of a once glamorous singer, wakes me up to kiss me and bring me breakfast in bed every morning? Is it my adorable boyfriend who still spits the image of an angelic baby, yet strikes me as a mature young man? Is it the compliments I get from my teachers each time a class would end? I really don’t know. All I know is that I haven’t really been happy. For the past year, I’ve woken up to the […]
Tag:
Lunchtime
I decided I better tell my full story so people inderstand me better:
I started self-harming about two years ago. I had an argument with my best friend and this set it off. It wasn’t a serious row; it was quite a silly one to be honest. However, I think this triggered off a lot of my self-esteem issues. I had a really hard time at school and was bullied a lot and I ended up finding it hard to get close to people. My feelings of self worth vanished again after the argument and in order to combat this I started to cut myself. Not […]
“How Nice To Feel Nothing, and Still Get Full Credit For Being Alive.”
by MilesToGo
written by MilesToGo
That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.
Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?
I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]
I’m writing this on my phone because I am in school and it is lunchtime and I feelunbelievably depressed and there is nobody here I can talk to in this way… Anyway, I feel possessed with the desire to jump from a top floor window, to cut myself all the way up my arm and to just curl up in a ball for hours and scream. I want to scream and shout and just cry for a long time, but I can’t. I can’t do these things because I am at school and nobody here knows how deeply depressed I feel a lot if the […]