My wrist lifelessly dangled off the edge of the porcelain tub; a stream of red tracing the lines on my hand. A pool of crimson waited below. The bath water looked like a distilled merlot. I lay silently, salty tears racing down my face. My mascara sat idly under my eyes tired of running. With the little will I had left, I turned my head to look at the self inflicted mutilations. The word “ Help†was carved into my soft, white, flesh. Under that, “Save ME†screamed for some attention, fresh blood still dripping down from the bottom of the E. My head jolted […]
Tag:
Mutilation
I saw my therapist today yipfuckingyee… she doesnt understand anything, its so hot and i feel as if everyone is screaming at me, even the little sounds sound like freak explosions, i dont feel suicidal just more attached to pain and mutilation, why do i still plot my inevitable suicide anyways? Ive just become obsessed with the idea of suicide as of late. Nothing can change my mind, besides getting expelled from school, having shit grades, and seeing/ trusting no one, everything seems gross. Masturbation is possibly the only relief i get from this gross thought process. I wish someone would kill me now because […]
Hello, everybody.
I’m not in the best of mindsets at the moment. All I can think about is Suicide.
I know that I probably shouldn’t be but today I realised something.
Nobody wants me here.
I haven’t been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issue but I know that I’m severely depressed. This upsets me more.
I’ve been in denial for so long. I lied to my loved ones. I’ve cut, bruised, hurt myself to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore.
I wish that things were different [like everybody else] but wishful thinking will never get me anywhere.
My thoughts aren’t […]
Feb. 8th I tried to kill myself. I have never attempted anything like this before, but God knows I have been thinking about it for way too long. I was down stairs doing some practice cuts on my wrist, just to see how hard I needed to press and figure the whole mess out. The first cut was quite demeaning. I think one drop fell out, so I tried again in a new spot, harder this time. This time I got a good amount to come out. As I was getting ready to go even deeper and harder I dropped the razor blade and it […]
Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I MIGHT.
Mutilation out of sight,
and I’m contemplating suicide.
I never realized I was spread too thin,
‘Til it was too late and I was empty within.
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
((It all started when I lost my mother,))
No love for myself and no love for another.
Searching to find a love upon a higher level,
Finding nothing but questions and devils.
I can’t go on living this way, nothing’s alright.
I’ll start from the beginning. I had a close, dear friend basically called him my brother. Xain, he was always there for me through thick and thin and would fight tooth and nail to keep me happy. He fell in love with me(this isn’t the root of the story) and I told him how i felt but kept him as a friend none the less and let him flirt how he wants. He was wiccan and openly gay, as a christian who was raised to love all I judged him not. He was adopted from Ireland when his druggie of a mother had him hooked […]
I don’t have anything to write, because I can’t put it into words. Â I’ll just complain.
I’ve pulled away from my friends, and I’m dating a guy that I could care less about because that’s easier than getting hurt.
It’s been a long process, but I’m finally at that point where I can really say that I don’t really have friends. Â I have people that I can count on, but nobody that I would talk to. Â People have tried to help me in the past, but they always end up doing more damage. Â And as for the guy, I don’t really know what to do with him. […]