my parents dont understand what ive been through
my sister has made my throat ache because of me yelling at her to leave me alone
she does not listen despite me screaming at her to leave me be
she does not see the pain she has inflicted upon the young girl
she is so oblivious to the girl that crumbles each day until one day
she will be nothing and she will die
people around this young girl are oblivious too
they do not see the bruises that hide under her long sleeves
the red slap marks that she has hidden under concealer
the red […]
Tag:
night
here I am laying in bed after a night of almost no sleep like every other night since ive been on these pills…im just to weak to move anymore its only a matter of time before my “sister” comes in yelling calling me names telling me to get up but I dont have the strength anymore im looking for a way to end this life,ive tried overdosing but that didnt work so I need something worse I dont care anymore if people are upset if I die because if they cared they would try to understand my pain but they dont even talk to me […]
Frankly, I believe I’m growing weary; tired.
Not quite sleepy tired, why I’m finding it more and more difficult to become sleepy at night anymore (hence why I’m up at 11:27 p.m. feeling fully awake) but tired of something else.
Perhaps I’m tired of waiting. I believe I have full reason to be tired of waiting, for I’ve been waiting eight months for him. (M.A.B.) Eight goddamn months.
Why do people have to go through such heartbreak and disappointment? For I have waited and waited just so that nothing will happen.
I feel like suicide. Too bad all my overdose attempts never work.
I feel worthless enough already. My very first day of school, I felt ignored and lonely. This then created an alternate me. One who doesn’t think about herself but others, to feel and be included. They never asked how I was so I knew to keep it in, all these feelings of loneliness and fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of being judged. One wrong step and I crash to the dust. I failed her expectations, so I beat myself down, she did too. As a high achieving person like herself, she expected highly of me. So every night from then on, screams and shouts […]
In this Martian, barren land
Upon a rustic hill I stand
on this ground no being breathes
to allow for ghastly, ghoulish deeds.
Phantoms reek of mystic smells,
And devils ring their wailing bells
Whose voices warn of blasphemy
And sing of brewing agony.
No protest comes from those deceased,
Their bodies slain with frightful ease.
A sickle formed of lust and greed
Carried out this gruesome deed.
Gods bear witness to my crime
Condemning this sold life of mine.
The children vanish in the sand
and out protrudes their withered hands
I feel my burning blood on fire
As I amass this desert […]
I wish i could go back  and do things differently. Now im stuck. I guess thats just the way life goes, although I know I would die if I knew I could come back new. i didnt know someone my age could carry so much regret. It only really hurts when I see something that that reminds me, like today i saw the snack gummies that we used to eat whilst we stayed up all night long watching stupid movies. I did everything you asked of me, and would literally have pulled my heart out and given it to you if you needed it. How […]
For a while, i’ve thought this site might be useful. Sure, some of it can get repetitive, but it’s good for people to hear themselves, and get a candid response, not matter how juvenile. Now, I’m mot so sure.
I know wonder if it is monitored by some victimy-undergratuates looking to validate their projections. I spent a couple of hours last night responding to someone. It was my hope this individual might get a chance to read it when they awoke in their time zone.To me it was genuine and heart felt and did not contain *any* of the heated […]
I wait for hours
I wait up all night
I wait
Hoping that someone will be there.
Will be there to help me pick up myself
Help me pick up my broken heart
Help me put it back together for the next day
But alas its like last night
And the night before last night
No one is there for me like I am there for them
I simply cant take it anymore
I have waited far too long and too much
I wait every night until 1-2 am
Then the pain comes
Crushing me
Making me want to die
Why am I so dependent?
Just another sleepless night, crying about her.
im so hurt im in so much pain, i can’t even think. i have to go do work all day and night. how can he hurt me so many times, so badly, and on purpose?!! how can he hurt me this much?! i really do hate my life. i loved him more than anything in the world. I’m miserable and heartbroken. you’re insane. i need to graduate. i have so much to do but all i want to do is be with him. i tried as hard as i possibly could with him. i feel so broken. how can he hurt me so bad.
Why can’t anyone hear me?
Why can’t anyone hear the screams?
Why can’t anyone hear my screams?
You were able to hear them.
You listened.
You shielded me from the pain
You saved me from the cold
You dawned on my world like the sun
But then you set
All suns set.
The stars aren’t bright enough in this black world
The screams are loud
Can you hear them?
They’re breaking a glass wall
A glass cage
The cage can’t hold the demon any longer.
The world will burn in the night
Or
I can plummet into the sea
Before I allow the world to burn.
Perhaps the cold water
Will stop the screams.
This poem is kind of the same as last time except it’s more “in the moment” if anything. hope you enjoyed
I’m the girl chasing a dream
but underneath my human skin, i’m a monster
creating visions that are not to be seen
and spilling blood that’s not meant to be cleaned
I terrorize throughout the night
Tearing through their flesh and bone
and as i look for more victims to take,
i realize, I’ve been turned into stone
a stone cold killer, i guess you could say
but that still doesn’t make the pain go away
with every scream ringing in my ear
I continue hold them […]
I overdosed last night. I thought that I would go peacefully in my sleep, but I woke up with stomach pains, a head ache, and I was vomiting. This all lasted a good three hours before the the worst of ended and I could go back to sleep. I wish that I didn’t wake up, but I know one thing if overdosing is like that I am not going to do it again. I just cannot find the strength to continue, I want to sit in bed all day and sleep. I just do not understand the point of life, we fight to live so […]
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to […]
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to lie with […]
My dad and I had an argument last night… He might split me and my girlfriend… He said he’s gonna find me counselling for my suicide… If I lose her, I’m gonna need more than counselling and to stop me.
I’ve been commenting on a lot of you guys’ posts, and I feel like I haven’t really told my story on here. Trigger Warning: Some of the things might trigger self-harmful behavior, so please read with caution…As I begin this, I am sitting on a pile of pillows I’ve been using for a bed, drinking tea, and I’m about to light a smoke.
I grew up in Central California from 1996 (my birthyear) and moved in the summer of 2004. My parents had met when they were twelve, and stayed together until they were in their early twenties. I was about three when, out of the […]
I fucked up again, this girl emily (who i like) cut her wrist open again and i was the cause of it. I got drunk last night and told her she was just like my ex and that she didn’t a shit what she does to people and then she told “Meris. Before I go, you forgot where you met me. you met me at my worst but i covered it so well. i’m lying in a pool of my own blood and all i want to do is thank you for reminding me why i tried the first time” Â I told her from the […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/tmp_02-the_front_bottoms-maps-2076840222.mp3 Every day is the same repetition of mundane tasks at work and the same panic and emptiness waiting in the background until I am alone with my thoughts. I’m out of friends, out of dreams, and out of hope. My motivation is so non-existent that I can’t even go through with my plans for suicide. It’s too much work to write the notes and find a place and get everything in order first. Last time I was spontaneous and tried all I got was a sore neck and face full of mud. The only thing I look forward to anymore is getting so […]
So i’m seeing my GP tomorrow and will ask his opinion on it too.. but i was curious if anyone has felt this before.I’m taking Saroquel for sleep and to calm my anxiety. I started out with one a night and then they upped me to two and now three (75mg). It knocks me out like no other.. but then i only sleep for 2-5 hours, then i wake up. I’m wide awake for an hour or so and then get really sleepy again. I can’t sleep in at all, ever now and i’m always so exhausted. It’s almost like all i do is take […]