not-being

I’m entirely new to this.

I’m 23, and for as long as I can remember, things haven’t been quite right.  It’s not sadness, there’s no apparent cause for the way that I feel, nothing that makes me a particularly high “risk” for suicide, that is obvious from the sheer facts of my life.  I was beaten and generally abused as a child, but I feel at peace with that and have reconciled with the offender.  But, there’s this ever-present feeling of not-being.  This sense that I’m watching myself live, that I’m a passive spectator in all the things my body does, the words I speak, the […]