Everyday gets worse.. Tears get heavier.. and pain grows stronger. The thoughts prowl around and jump in when they see a chance. I guess I’m just wondering why I’m still here… with all the pain and hurt I’ve been going through lately. I’m home alone everyday for 8 hours.. there’s so much I could accomplish besides cutting my porcelain wrists that contain that beautiful blue vein you can see so clearly.. the purple one that wants attention too but can’t compare.., just branching out into my palm..into my fingers. It’s stupid they say..Pointless. So is life but I’m still living it aren’t I? People are […]
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Palm
Control. That seems to be the only thing I’ve ever wanted, the one thing I’ve never gotten. To feel like I actually have a say-so in what happens next or where I go… to feel like I can contribute something to my life because after all, it is MY life. I have a dad who always made the rules. Even though they were always stupid and illogical and only benefited him, he ALWAYS got the final say so. And it went from being just small things to bigger things. Where I go to college (a college I pay for COMPLETELY on my own, by the […]
I just cut again the other day. It was 2 on my my palm. It`s funny because i told my friends Kiana and Reina, and they became angry and slapped my arm. They hadn`t cut yet since the butterflies and i did so they were mad at me. The reason i say it`s funny is because while they were mad at me the only thing i could do was laugh and tell them that i learned something new. When they asked what i giggled softly and tolf them that scissors suck……… and that`s all i could think about. I don`t even remember what i had […]
I decided, why  let my last cut go unmemorialized? I am going to stop… After tonight.
I’m just gonna quit.
I was feeling particularly bad today, after my sister yelling at me about how I can’t do anything right while I was washing dishes. When I told her to leave me alone and get out of the kitchen, she started yelling about how i’m psycho and need to shut up.
So, I cut a little heart on my palm. I decided to just turn it into a tattoo.. At first I though I should sterilize the needle… But considering I usually either cut with a needle or piece […]