I know that those silly tests about depression on the Internet don’t count as an actual diagnosis, but I still take them every once in a while. I used to get results saying that I was just feeling a bit sad; more recently, I’ve been getting one concerning answer: I’m severely depressed. My most recent school year was extremely stressful, and there were times at which I couldn’t handle it. I just wanted to give up and throw my life away, especially when my final grades didn’t even end up as I wanted them. I think all of that stress and failure really took a […]
Tag:
Perfectionism
It’s true. And it’s the reason for my suicide. These feelings of hopelessness stem from being an imperfect human being. I have a poor memory, make lots of mistakes – but worst of all, I’m ugly. I am so unattractive. I look in the mirror and fall apart crying, I get violent visions of mutilating my body, hacking it to pieces until I disintergrate. Until I’m nothing anymore. Unrecognisable. Until I die from bloodloss, hopefully, and everybody can forget I ever existed. That’s all I want – to not exist, to never have existed. I wish I had never existed.
I go to bed and pray […]