As I grow older I feel less and less connected to the world around me. Now in my mid twenties I think back to when I was younger, I battled with depression and suicide but I still had enough drive and energy to continue pushing for a better tomorrow. But nothing changed for the better. My fear and annoyance of others grew until I completely stopped attempting to build friendships. I have no home to return to full of love and support, only the lonely house filled with my shit. Shit I don’t need. I work as a stripper and the problems of the world […]
Tag:
pointless
I have been thinking more frequently about killing myself day by day. And finally when it seems like I have a perfect plan and can end everything I am know doubting whether I should or not.
The last time I attempted, I was positive it was the right thing to do. I wanted to be gone forever and had thought it all the way through.
This time I am unsure yet still feel that I need to follow through. My life is pointless, I am not going to contribute to society. I don’t do anything. After attempting and being put in a psych ward my work […]
So I had me an hour of sleep, awesome. Got to plaster on some emotions so I can blend into this dark landscape that’s my life and carry on one more day.
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
I hate the word ‘suicide’, […]
I’ve been suicidal since I was 11 and now at 19 I am determined to do it propaly in February I had a break down where I nearly went onto the wards and after I recovered I thought that maybe there was a point to life. It was like somebody brought out a blank page and said I could do anything! But these last few weeks when I have restarted school, moved out from a difficult home situation and applied to good universitys I have felt rubbish again. I ought to be feeling better. My teacher’s have been so supportive and have really helped […]
I feel trapped here by the people who care about me. I dislike causing pain to others, even if they will die and forget all about it. Perhaps that is irrational?
So I go through the motions of life. I can’t see how this is preferable to me being dead, except for that everyone isn’t crying about it, and my household has an income. (Though were I dead, I wouldn’t have the capacity to give a crap anymore)
I see my future as hopeless. I have a son in kindergarten and another on the way in the spring. What am I to tell them? “Sons, life doesn’t […]
I’ve come to see existence for what it is, and it’s made me feel tired. Death or not, life is pointless. All that we do serves only to perpetuate our species for it’s own sake. Everything is either a lie or a distraction. Without the superficial activities, conversations, feelings, and thoughts we have, there is nothing. What are we working toward, really? Even if we were gods, we would eventually run out of things to do or learn. Even a simple person like me can see that the universe does not need us or care that we are here. There is no higher purpose. We […]
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