Well today’s the day. Sunday. The plan was to end my life tonight. Leaving a couple different notes addressed to different people. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Planning since the beginning of the school year, which started August 27, the day before my birthday. The plan was to wait until after my parents went to sleep, then go do it. My method is not the most preferred method out there, in fact many people hate it and think it’s like THE WORST one. But I have my reasons and I have tried twice before, failing obviously. Waking up in a hospital room surrounded […]
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Preferred Method
Yesterday, I was all set to catch the bus. However, I didn’t end up doing it. :( The main reason is because my preferred method requires dry weather for its best chance of success, and the weather here at the moment is very wet. I know, it’s a lame excuse … but I’m pretty lame.
I could have used one of my other two methods. I didn’t.
Parts of my world are falling down around me. Other parts I thought had fallen down may be more resilient than I first thought. Depending on the outcomes of today, I may or may not decide to try tonight. I’m […]
I don’t know why, I don’t know how. All I know is that I can make myself feel better for a while by giving myself 1 or 2 almighty punches in the side of the head. I don’t know if giving myself a headache gives me something to concentrate on, or whether it just shakes my noggin enough to make it work properly for a while.  If it’s the latter, maybe it’s similar to The Fonz hitting the side of the jukebox at Arnold’s. Happy days.
I now understand why cutters do what they do. Whilst my preferred method of self-treatment isn’t cutting, I can see how it might work for […]
Once I had a dream that I had just made an attempt to hang myself and I was looking in the mirror and there was a blue and purple bruise around my neck. A little more than a week ago I made an attempt and I looked in the mirror after I cut the noose off and my face looked awful. My normal coloring didn’t return until a few days later — I had to cover up with makeup and even then it looked bad.
That last attempt was the closest I have ever been to dying. I passed out and my coming to was accidental, […]
I have never, ever put my thoughts and pain and utter dejection into print before. I have read countless posts and can honestly say I see so many differing viewpoints that I feel more lost than ever. I have lived with depression and epilepsy for a long time, too many years. You would not believe the effort writing this has been! Or maybe you would. I have now been researching “my exit” for several months. I care little for painless methods I care little for anything at all to be honest. What I seek is an affective method a guarantee of success if you like. […]