My last post was on Christmas Eve 2012. It was a Christmas wish list. I didn’t get any of the things on it.
Meanwhile, I’ve gone through another cycle of recovery and decline. Guess which part of the cycle I’m at now? Whilst I’m not quite ready to catch the bus, I’ve spent much of the past 7 years researching and planning. Some of this includes installing safety mechanisms to ensure I don’t go too soon or too hastily, whilst ensuring that I can still leave when I’m truly ready.
Looking back on my old posts from when I was at my previous nadir was interesting. It’s as if the man that wrote those posts was me, only visiting from a parallel universe. A universe in which this man was still able to feel emotion. A universe in which his emotions were – by the standards of our universe – misplaced to the point of triggering moral outrage in some. However, in his universe, our concept of emotion would be written off as being utterly ludicrous.
It’s through this lens that I made an observation: it’s time for me to tie off a couple of loose threads from my last series of posts. I’m still married to the same woman, and that hasn’t changed. If anything, both of us have become 7 years more jaded. The couple that becomes jaded together stays together, I guess. Apathy will do that.
The most interesting plot twist refers to the Other Woman. The one I referenced in a number of my old posts. She’s married now. As an added bonus, I get along really well with her husband. The reason I get along so well with him is because he’s the version of me that I wish I was. His values, his sense of humour, his work ethic … all identical to my own. However, he was true to himself from the get go and has now achieved significant success in a well-regarded profession. He also possesses the refinement that I wish I had, yet sorely lack.
I’m not envious; in fact, their wedding ceremony was one of the few things that was able to temporarily cheer me up over the past few years.
Did I have a role in resetting this woman’s expectations? Is it a coincidence that she’s gone from dating a string of men that looked like me but didn’t have my personality, to marrying a man that looks nothing like me yet has my (few) best traits and none of my worst ones? Maybe I’m giving myself too much credit.
Yes, I know this is a terribly self-indulgent post. I also know there’s a good chance that nobody that read my previous posts will see this, as they may have either been successful in either resetting their lives or ending them. But it gives me a sense of closure, as well as a chance to compare where I am in 2019 as opposed to where I was in 2012.