What’s the point of even trying anymore? Â It’s clear that things will never change, these rash and stupid emotions that plague me daily will never stop no matter what drug I take or how high I get. I used to think it was just a phase, just something people go through but now I see that i’m not capable of being a “normal” person anymore, I have seen the world for what it truly is and no matter what therapy I try I can’t change how I see things. I turn 20 in august and I have so much fear of another year going by […]
Tag:
Rash
I’ve been suicidal since 7. No one knew but me. I tried to choke myself , or I’d tried to freeze to death. Nothing took me out but exhaustion. Too tired to finish. Some who know me are glad I’m still here. I’m not in a way, but it’s so complex to help anyone understand.
I had therapy since 11 or 12 till now. each one different and 2 fresh minds listened. I had doctors for pans unexplained. A few were answered the rest I had to just accept. They come and go.
All throughout those times death came across my mind. Across my eyes. I […]
I’m 35. Work as a mental health professional. It’s strange but all these years suicide was never something I ever contemplated in the slightest. I’ve never really been depressed. I don’t think I’m clinically depressed at the moment. Maybe burnt out and not in the best mood but by no means depressed.
Over the last few months I’ve realized that the decisions that I made to move to a new country have come with with a rash of problems that while not catastrophic have caused incredible stress, heartache, homesickness and problems advancing my career. I’m getting a feeling that some of these problems may well have […]
I have a good career and respect and I am about to loose it all. In the moment of rash madness I sent what could be seen as a threatening text to a former boss. I will probably lose my job I want my life to end in the next few days.
Life.The last couple of days have seen the spawning of a journey out of the abyss. So much deep emotion, (confusion, anger, fear, and hopelessness) was building up and needed to be released into the atmosphere. I still think about those things (meaninglessless, conditional love, my mistakes, my future) but when I feel myself slipping asunder, I mentally create a hypothetical situation that I know would be 100% unbearable, then measure how much worse it is than my present state.
I talk to the Universe, thanking it for taking care of the souls who have departed, praying for their happiness.Then I ponder on things completely unrelated […]