This is my first post on this site though I have read many stories that I relate to deeply. I have had depression since pre-pubescent years and suicidal ideation since fourth grade. A feeling of worthlessness has always presided over my life; I have never been able to fit in and because of that it only reinforces the fact that I don’t belong here. After many attempts to free myself from this world, I am composing a final plan to sever the silver chorde. Before you say that I need to seek help, let me assure you that I decided to seek help for years […]
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Day after day… my heart gets heavy
day after day, water blinds my eyes, i cant bear it anymore
i feel like a tool, people turn on when they wanna have my body
am i just a body? i also have feelings… but day after day, my heart gets broken.
i dont believe in love neither in feeling, all i believe is in selfishness
all the fairy tales I’ve read and watched as a child… they’re far, far away from me.
i wanted to be your Cinderella,
and day after day, all i wanted was to be hugged.
I’m just a doll boy,a forgotten one.
when you want to touch me… it feels good, […]
I am fairly new here. I found this website in my darkest days and I am not sure if it is gonna make everything better or worse but it is good to read people’s experiences and have a chance to help them. I can say that I have survived and strayed from the darkest version of myself. I hope I can help you also! I am here when you need me. I mean it.
I joined SuicideProject.org last night and thought I’d introduce myself:
I have battled severe depression (and later suicidal feelings) since I was a teenager. I kept everything to myself until a few years ago when I revealed to everybody in my life what I had been going through. I won‘t say things have been perfect since then, but they have improved – I guess you could say I have been in “suicidal remission.”
Anyway, that’s the summarized version of my story. I plan to pop in here whenever I feel I have something constructive to add. I used to be quite good at helping people with their […]
So around a year ago I was the worst I think I’ve ever been, I was covered in cuts, barely eating, throwing up everything I did eat and overdosing around 3 times a week. I lost my friends and my family were just ashamed of me. I was kicked out of college and lost my job. I attempted recovery for around 8 months after coming out of a short stay in hospital, but now, just as I thought it was all getting better, I can’t stop thinking about suicide. The only person I’ve ever truly loved decided it is possible to be totally 100% in […]
Life’s still horrible.
I am looking for my life partner from any FIRST NATION WORLD, where life is not as depressed as where i am presently living. I lived some years in UK and I never felt depression as i am feeling in India. I am willing to relocate and have enough money that I can buy a small house there.
Every time i read any discussion forum on depression, i get the same answer that you are not alone and somebody is always there to help you. If such a help really exist please come forward to help. I will be thankful for my whole life for such […]
I’ve been super crazy busy and I hate that I don’t have time to come on here and read posts, comment or write anything. You are all awesome and have been so amazing to me, so I just wanted to pop in and say hi and that I’m still here, just working a lot and busy trying to find a second job. Crazy crazy life never slows down, haha.
I hope you all are well and hopefully I’ll get my schedule balanced out soon. I miss chatting with you guys.
<3
EK
If you have a broken smile and scars on your skin, stop and read this.
You’re beautiful/ handsome and you can do this. You can make it through today and every day afterwards because guess what?
You’re worth it. You’re worth every moment of life and every breath you take is just showing everyone who has ever put you down that you win, not them. Don’t ever give up.
Many of you saw my previous plead for help, and lots of you answered the call and it’s much appreciated. I hope you all read my update post from yesterday because I mention all of you and express my gratitude in great length, haha. Anyhow, I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m going to be making posts like this once every 1 or 2 days, because the more people who see it and share it, the more likely I am to reach my goal.
I really appreciate all of you for caring about me so much, and for donating and/or sharing. It really has […]
This is my second post. My first is a life story of sorts. But the basics you need to know before you read the rest of this are: 1. I’ve struggled with severe mental illness for over half my life, and I’m young. I’ve made five very serious suicide attempts and have been psychiatrically institutionalized 11 times. So, I’m a very experienced mental patient. 2. As ironic as it is, I work in an acute care mental health facility. Most of our patients are either suicidal or have just been medically cleared and sent to us after attempting suicide. So I guess you […]
At the suggestion of a few of you on here, I have set up a Go Fund Me campaign.
Here is the link to my fundraiser.
http://www.gofundme.com/youngwidow
Please share this link with anyone that you think might be willing to help. Even $5 is greatly appreciated.
Those of you who have read my posts and interacted with me on here probably know this about me already. I’m not the kind of person to ask for help. I’m the stubborn person who always tries to fix my problems all by myself. Maybe that’s why I’m in such a horrible situation right now. Perhaps the Universe is trying to […]
In my time of deepest despair and anger, when everything was falling apart, I got an unexpected phone call from a friend I met on here. I mean unexpected, I just gave my number in the offchance they might text me if everything went bad. But they read my post on here and gave me a call, and it made such a difference. I dont feel so alone anymore. I have people around me, and my doctor and councillor but if I told them truthfully what I was really thinking and feeling and planning it would be hospital time, and that means cant truly share myself. Until […]
Dear Maman,
As it has now been a number of weeks since our previous discussion, and you have not only failed to apologise to me for badmouthing me to your family behind my back, but have no doubt also failed to correct any of the half-truths and exaggerations you made in the process*.
In addition to this, you appear to struggle to consider the needs of others. For example, despite my pleading, refusing to attend my suicide-prevention counselling sessions because you felt stressed.
When I took the decision to meet you again a couple years ago after a long and acrimonious separation, I really wanted to believe you […]
Rereading the title of this post almost makes me chuckle. The passivity inherent in it, that eventually I will do something, is the way i’ve been living my life up until this point. It’s part of the reason I want to end my life. But not the only reason.
The reason is, I have always felt outside of the norm. I’ve always felt rejected and set aside, despite being told I was loved, I felt somehow dismissed. I know that in school I was indeed rejected and set aside. I was a wierd kid. I can’t let go of the idea of what I used to be, […]
“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.’”
I first read this line around 5 years ago in college and I didn’t quite understand it. I was thinking of suicide back then too, but not particularly as a good or comforting thing. Back then, I was afraid of suicide and couldn’t understand why it would be a consolation.
I think that I’m starting to understand this aphorism a lot better now. In my worst days, suicide was the only thing that I had to look forward to. In my only slightly better days, I would go […]
I have had suicide thoughts before. But the end wasn’t death.
You can read my story here:
well today was almost the day. why it wasn’t isn’t really important here. but the means, the opportunity and the will are all there. i really don’t know why i have fallen into the pit. i have been crying a lot (read everyday), angry, etc etc. you know the drill. after that then there is a certain kind of numbness. i am purposely withdrawing from the world, life. then the physical stuff isn’t exactly helping either. the near constant stomach pain whether i eat or not, various wounds from months ago that are not healing. chest pain and fatigue just for shits and giggles. yes […]
Well if you read my last post about 2 months ago, you will know what I was worrying about happening in my life with my girlfriend and college. September 5 th. My girlfriend was in her dorm alone and wanted to do something on a Friday night so she went over to a friend of a friends apartment. She made brownies and watched a movie with this guy. At the time she was completely ignoring me, so I did what probably. any college kid would do. Get drunk. I had drank way more than I should have and ended up climbing over the railing of […]
As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will […]