Been experiencing a fair amount of angst wrt this recently. It’s been seven years since I started, two since I “stopped”, and to be honest I still slip up now and then. I’ve been experiencing the urges. I’m back at my parents’ house for the summer, and though I’ve been mostly recovered for two years there’s still a dearth of sharp objects in the house. I used to compulsively hoard spare blades whenever I felt the urge to cut (in lieu of actually doing it). I literally bought in bulk, stashed paper cutters in every nook and cranny I could think of because they kept […]
Tag:
Real People
I can’t help but feel that everyone around me would be better off with me not here. I don’t seem to be able to do anything right anymore. All I really want to do is help people, but when I do I end up screwing things up.
I know there’s people around me that say they care, but sometimes I can’t help but feel that if I really needed them, they wouldn’t be there. I don’t know what to do.
I haven’t been at this type of a low emotion-wise in about 2 years. The thoughts about ending it all haven’t occurred to me in almost a […]
If I died today, if I finally did it, what would you say?
I didn’t know (that’s a lie).
I didn’t think she really would (that’s because you didn’t want to be bothered, to make time just to listen or help me).
How selfish (how selfish of you to be so absorbed in yourself not to at least call or to avoid me because I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be).
All she had to do was get medication (which I tried to do but cannot afford and can find no assistance programs for).
All she had to do was try harder (you have no idea how […]
im sitting here and its past mid night
regretting ever little thing that happened in life
you cant take back the hands of time
the situations fit the crime
you got to move on
but moving is hard
since you concede your self to living in the dark
ive got no reason to be happy, or sad
i live my days always mad
mad at what? i don’t fucking know
i think sometimes its all for show
you have to feel something deep inside
so why not get pissed? its not easy to hide
then people will think your real,
people will think you feel
So, for my English class, I have to read Night by Elie Wiesel. I do not like reading about the Holocaust, because I am prone to nightmares. I don’t mean the fun kind, where you’re on a ship with Odysseus passing under Scylla and you know you’re going to wake up, because it’s a nightmare based off of ancient fiction. This is the kind of nightmare that you know real people lived and died, and there are pictures and film to prove it. Yes, the night I read the book, I dreamed that my school had gone Third Reich Etc Etc. I told my dad […]
i been told a dozen times to stop pushing everyone away,but i feel like its the only way i can tell whos real anymore,if they truely care and they know im just protecting myself, then them are the real people that will come back untill i give up pushing them away,i just dont care anymore,im gonna push every one away before they get the chance to push me away,it hurts less knowing its my choice,and i dont want to know the next person or people that are gonna hurt me,why would iwant to know something like that,i already know im worthless, i dont have to […]
I’m pretty much as broken and useless as it’s possible to be. I can’t do anything right – not exaggerating, it’s the truth. I’m barely human and don’t really do the things that normal humans do or feel the way normal humans feel. When I’m hurt or frustrated I get angry – but real people don’t feel anger, don’t express those things. Real people are happy most of the time, not unhappy or angry most of the time. I’m just wrong. Broken. Unfit for human consumption. God I wish my mother had aborted me. What is the point of me? There is none. The worst […]
It would be nice to have a best friend that I can share everything with and not be embarrassed. I live in Utah..aka HELL lol and it’s so hard to find real people. I have a so called best friend right now, but she always gets mad at me for stupid things I do, and when she does stupid things, I just sit there and listen. Hmm…so I guess she really isn’t my best friend huh? Well if anyone wants to be my friend or talk I would absolutely love that. I have a lot of baggage…but who doesn’t? I’m 18 btw. I could really […]
So i have been having horriable thoughts lately and i am not sure i want them be real ..people treat me like crap and i can’t pretend its ok all the time. it bothers me all the time. i can’t stay here. my ex is engaged .. i loved him more than anyone .. and he let his fiance talk down to me .. ive been talked down to my whole life.. i can’t keep being a push over .. i know that im not pretty .. im not skinny … im not good enough for anyone .. all my friends are happy .. my […]
It’s Jake and I’m proud to say that the site I have created ( jaketalks.web.officelive.com ) is growing in the number of volunteers. This site offers you a place to talk 1 on 1 with real PEOPLE for free regardless of who you are or what you are battling. I hope to hear from some of you that I have grown to care about. You may still e-mail me at jacob.major@stu.oldham.kyschools.us or paintballerspike777@yahoo.com
All are encouraged to visit the site. I hope to hear from those of you that want to talk. Don’t worry about someone force-feeding you any religion or beliefs. We are here […]