I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
Tag:
Shotguns
i honestly don’t care whether or not i die. if a car drives towards me. sure, i’ll jump to safety. its natural. and wayyy to messy. i heard that girls end their cycle through pills n shit.. boys do it the messy way, shotguns or roadkill. i don’t care much though. its ok.
i just wished nobody cared. it would have been easier to be me. so. my gran found out im smoking. she started off like god was against me. i ended the conversation with saying: why would god care if i provoke cancer when children starve to death somewhere else.
my life might not seem […]
On the plus side, I did finally purchase the second shotgun needed for the exit. On the bad side, I seem to have talked myself into going back and “trying one more time.”
It is incredibly stressful to wake up and realize that today’s the day you promised yourself you would kill yourself. By the middle of the day, you’ve talked yourself out of it…again…and convinced yourself that there’s too many people who love you to go out now without trying one more time.
I’d like to think that knowing that there are two loaded shotguns waiting at home with its name on them would convince my […]