I have always had a rain cloud follow me my whole life its called depression and anxiety and self hate. I wasn’t born capable of being happy or lost it as i grew older and life unfolded. I lack or never had the tools to love myself. I cant remember a time when i wasn’t depressed and anxious. Even as a kid id never smile have bad self esteem. I fear ill never be able to live on my own and function through adulthood unassisted and happy. Every bad memory traumatic sad event I’ve been through is burnt into my […]
Im sick of living. Iv never felt loved/happy in my 22 years of life. I cant name anything good about myself fat.ugly.stupid.lazy.drunk and lonely virgin. The first thought i had toady and most days when i wake up is i realy want to cut. Iv been cutting since i was 15 and now im covered in 1000s of very noticeable scars. Im also an binge drinking alcoholic and get pass out drunk at least 5 times a week. The whiskey numbs my depression and anxitey being drunk allows me to cut deeper too.
Since i graduated high school the few friends […]
it’s hard to wake up everyday miserable and defeated. Realizing I have another day to face. I lose more and more each day I get worse life gets worse just when I thought I cant get anymore down I find a way. I have to see the very noticeable scars I created on myself and be reminded how broken I am and will always be. There is nothing and I mean nothing good about me inside and out. How can i ever change I cant. I feel hated by everyone I lost the few friends I had. They have better friends without cuts friends that […]
it always ends with me hurting myself I have gone weeks with out cutting myself but it always comes back I hate myself I try to do good things for myself go to college classes and work I can’t pretend to be happy I can’t find anything to smile about I love whiskey try to drink a bottle a day i love drugs do them a lot anything to numb myself to forget about my shitty life and escape it for a short while my life is revolved around getting trashed and slashing my body up I get so down and depressed I don’t want […]
I have offiicially given up there is no future for me I treat my body like a trash can have no desire to go on no one loves me I don’t love myself so stupid and ugly I never want to see myself agian I am a joke so sick Iv given up I can’t stand no more so miserable I reached my bottom 22 years of unhappiness when’s it going to change never I don’t want it to change I enjoy hurting myself any way possible I am disgusting inside and out there really is nothing good about me I can’t function in every […]
In a couple days I will turn 21 and when I do I’ll have fresh cuts on my body. I can’t help but look back on the long list of failures In my life. Yesterday at a fast food place strangers at the table next to me were laughing at me and I heard them say “he looks like the hunch back of Notre dam” and I cut myself a lot over that. On my birthday I have to see and know there are dozens of fresh cuts and old scars.
There isn’t enough time in the world to go into depth of how much I […]
well the fridge is empty and i should probably get some food but I’m not I’m going to the store to get a fifth of vodka a fifth of whiskey and a bag of disposable bic razors and a pack of Marlboro red 100s tonight will be interesting
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. Iâ€™ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I donâ€™t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
Depression is killing me and its getting worst. Every morning i wake up defeated wishing i didnt wake up. Its hard to face the day without a drink or cutting into my thigh. I have no value to society i can honestly say everybody around me hates me i see the disgust in their faces counting the seconds till im gone. The only contact i have with people is being used to get drugs or take my money. I hate everything about myself my looks, personality and intelligences. I look at others thinking how great they are and how im practically invisible unnoticed maybe even […]
I have lost the will to live it takes alot to make me smile and hardly anything to upset me. I have no energy anymore have lost intrest in my favirote things. I first started starveing myself around age 16 because i always felt fat, ugly and stupid comared to everyone eles. Ill go a couple days without eating then give in and consume a sick amount of food only to feel horrible afterwards. Food is an enemy i regret every meal i eat.
Self hatred has caused me to cut myself which turned into an everyday vice. Iv developed a blood lust waiting and […]