I don’t know if anyone remembers my last post, titled numb. Basically i explained what happens when i go numb. I cut off all feeling, i am in a haze, it takes so much energy to pull out for 30 min. so i can act okay. But i sink deeper and deeper until i cut, and then i’m fine again. i haven’t cut since March, and I’ve been okay. Until now. I’m starting to fall again, and i don’t know why. The only person i can talk to is my friend Skye, because she the only person i know and trust at my new school. […]
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Skye
All I wanted was his happiness..he’s happy
I wanted to be able to say her name without getting angry…I can
I wanted to have people to talk to…I do
I wanted to lose weight…I am
So why am I still crying?
He’s happy with someone else
Instead of getting angry when IÂ say Skye I get angry when I say Rain
So many people to talk to..none understand
Starving myself..getting major headaches just to lose weight like they said
Crying uncontrollably…none of this is enough
The wonder of the world is gone, I know for sure.
All the wonder that i want, i found in her.
When the whole becomes apart, I strike to burn and no flames return.
Every intuition fails to find it’s way
one more table turned around and back again
Finding I’m more lost and found when she’s not around
When she’s not around, I feel it coming down.
How can I have You when everbody wants your soul
Skye…I miss you. </3
Lost without you…
Trying..to be happy for the sake of my friends. I know I burden them and all of you with my constant sadness. I try..and sometimes when I type the faces, they arent real. Theyre cover ups. I’m crying right now…i started crying inadvertantly. Not sobbing or moaning..just crying. Tears stream down my cheeks and plop onto my keyboard..because of the pain i feel inside..so much pain that its starting to bleed through to the outside…it hurts. This isnt just any breakup..this is THE breakup..the breakup that will break me..is breaking me. And the fact that im sitting here crying silently with tears tumbling out of […]
Sleep…I remember those days when i was able to fall asleep..listening to his breathing. Those days when Skye would lay next to me and her body would keep me warm. Those same days when i had no choice but to drift into a deep sleep because hanging out with my friends…and him…would tire me out. Sleep…sly sleep..escapes me now. Leave me with nightmares still…fully awake. I see their faces. I hear their voices…i smell them..just like in the dreams that once brought me joy. Without sleep…without them…those memories become nightmares..and daymares..and thoughts of suicide..but it isnt suicide..its eternal sleep. As I type she lies beside me…but i […]