There are many fairies.
Some are good, some are bad.
But they are all beautiful.
The bad fairies can easily take over.
There’s the anorexic fairy,
She makes you perfectly thin,
But she’s fatal.
The self harm fairy whispers to you cutting is the only way out.
The suicide fairy pushes you off a cliff.
Pulls the trigger or gives you the ideas.
Then there’s the fake fairy.
She forces you to smile,
But puts you down and makes you cry.
Then there’s the fairy, who isn’t really a fairy.
It’s a bully. All the fairies are bullies.
They seem gorgeous and perfect.
But they […]
stand
I cant stand my life anymore. Ever since i lost my dad my depression and anxiety have gotten worse and no matter what problems arise i always just grin and bear it act like it dont bother me. I would have ended long ago if not for my mother, i know it would just destroy her. So im forced to continue living my miserable life
Hey there baby, you looking fine
again tonight like always
I’m so bad with these corny lines
but you never judge me
instead you stand far away and let
your vertiginous glory pluck at my nerves
ready to catch me when I remove
80 feet of concrete between us
Remember when we first met?
I was so young then and you were the same
soft shade of aquamarine that I feel
flling my nostrils and bluring my sight
Your presence a promise of an eternal
unbearable comfort hugging me tight
How much has changed since then?
Nothing at all, as you of course know
except that your […]
Alone with her thoughts
Alone in her room
Little did she know
Her story would end soon
No more sadness
No more pain
No more purging
To stop the gain
She sees her body
She hates each mark
Can’t stand the sight
So she lays in the dark
She cries in the night
And finds her blade
She thinks of every
Mistake she’s made
She begins to think
She’s better off dead
The thought of being
Rushes through her head
She grabbed some pills
And a small red cup
She wanted to fall asleep
And never wake up
Empty the bottle
Down each pill
Soon she will be
Forever still
She was sad to go
But it was for the best
She got what she wanted
Eternal rest
Me? Yeah i’m fine. If you consider a feeling like this “fine” a pain that is so dreadful crying doesn’t seem sad enough, a pain that makes your whole body shake, one that feels like its ripped half of your insides out, it makes you numb to the world, you feel as though nothing in this world is worth living i never knew a pain could be so unbearable, I mean i can stand most pain, but this…this is just horrible…I feel so alone all the time… I just want to be heard is all, but no one gives me that chance…and sometimes to […]
I wish I could feel. To be alive.
To sense the wind, the breeze, the air.
A breath of fresh air, to finally be one with the cool of life.
To feel, even my own skin. My mind, without boundaries.
To simply be. To simply be…
I am not alive, the essence of life stripped from me.
Zen. To simply be. Please, the portal of air.
Zen. To simply be. The ultimate zenith.
Breathing between living and dying. Ultimate obstruction and suffering.
Time. Transmuted forever, the supreme giver of salvation.
But I cannot breathe. Please, help me.
The so-called Beggar. The feathers. The staff. And my white […]
My mother is a narcissist. My mother is a professional victim. My mother is a fine actress although she’s never been on stage. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to breathe without her permission, input, critique, or criticism. She convinced people that she was a loving mother — a little overprotective, perhaps — but a loving mother and a devoted, long-suffering wife. All that came out of her mouth were sighs of her having to endure my volatile father and her shit daughter. Not my sister — she went to medical school so she’s an expert on every subject. I’m the lawyer, and hence, the moron in the family. My daughter and I […]
Today I realised why I always assume people hate me and why I try and make them hate me.
I realised that I’d rather people feel something towards me, be that hatred or otherwise, than be indifferent towards me.
I think hatred is one of the easiest emotions to express too, and so that’s why I chose it.
I’d find it a lot easier to tell someone that I hate them than I love them, for example.
But I always used to fall out with people over stupid things and I think that was my attempt at making them hate me because I had started […]
It just hurts so much.
Everywhere I go, anything I do, I think of you. And then I think of how you don’t want me.
I don’t even know why. We were so happy.
It hurts too much.
The pills blur the pain but I know its there.
I can’t live this way.
It hurts.
My life is empty without you. It was going to be even before you, but now there’s no chance.
I just want to go back. I don’t know how we ended up here but I need you. I miss you.
I feel like I don’t stand a chance but I […]
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I’ll find my way
Through night and day,
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,
There’s peace […]
I really feel ashamed for saying I was about to commit suicide in previous posts, I mean, I found Suicide Project about one year ago and at that time I was more caught in despair rather than feeling really really suicidal, probably the you guys don’t even remember me (I’m just one of the thousand unhappy wretcheds), but if you did you’d say I was just trying to get somebody’s attention by saying I was gonna push a knife into my belly (what just ended up in tears).Of course, I’m going to kill myself, I didn’t change my mind but you more than anyone know […]
Would you rather be surrounded by people who care but can’t do anything, or people who just don’t care?
Both seem equally deadly so I’m not sure if it matters. But for what it’s worth I think I’d rather be surrounded by people who don’t care. At least that way I can’t hate them for being hypocrites. Like the trees and birds and stars that don’t give a shit about me, I’m fine with them. But I can’t stand all the self-serving phonies who constantly tell me they care but conveniently disappear when things get real.
To be honest, I just really want out of this life. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the worrying about my future. I can’t stand the fact that I’m completely ugly. I can’t stand the fact that I can never chose the right religion. I can’t stand the fact that I’m so open about how I feel with everyone in the world. I’m just so fucked up in the mind, and there’s so much that races through my head. There are just so many thoughts, and they’re crazy and weird. I’m crazy and weird. I’m stupid. I’m always fucking something up. People try […]
Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me
I can’t handle myself without you
Without you
These tears won’t fill my emptiness
I have this ache inside my chest.
Although we want to live and die.
Can we save this without goodbye.
Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me
I can’t stand to live without you
Without you
My lies have become my reality,
Is there such thing of you and me?
I can’t forget smiles and tears,
That help me through my biggest fears.
So please don’t leave me
Don’t leave me.
Cause I can’t even stand to try,
If we’re going to say goodbye.
Goodbye
This is goodbye
cause I […]
does anyone constantly feel like they want to run away, although there is nowhere to run to? feel so lost, like u dont belong in this society, in the world? everyday is just a constant battle not to hop on a bus and run far away from my family. i love them but i cant stand being with them. i cant stand anyone for too long. cant hold a job, have no desires in this world. i want to run away but anywhere i go will just be the same as here. i want to die, but i dont want to kill myself. i just […]
Today i mocked some begging and i am feeling quite confident. How i will approach them, how i will stand there without saying a word, how i won’t look towards the content but only towards the giver when they put something in my bowl. Its the blessing giving part i have trouble with. I have low pitch/hoarse/unclear voice. They won’t be able hear specific words if i bless them in lower tone. Saying blessings loud won’t suit the calm, quiet nature i presented earlier. Normal saying won’t do because he afterall did a favor to me, how i can return it without showing some difference […]
Tonight is it hopefully I’m done. What life has for me isn’t what I want nor what I can bare. I’m just numb the feeling hurts. ive got my plan ready. I’ve decided I always n knew that it would come to this. I’m to stupid for life to ugly to fucked up for it I can’t stand being in my skin a minute longer I’m tired of weeping I’m retired of being depressed I can’t get help I’m tired of being tired. So goodbye. I hope everybody is better of thani the future
There is peace all over this earth, but never will I find peace. I don’t belong anywhere, and everywhere I go, all I see is disapointment and isolation. I love this planet, and I love humanity. Thing is, humans with no respect are destroying it and I can’t stand it. It hurts me to see all these animals being mistreated and chopped into food, it hurts to see all this oil and trash in our beautiful seas, all these people starving, these nuclear stations, this poison in our food, the polluted air, wars, fluoride in the water…. I’m just a witness of all this desolation […]
You’ve been there, done that.Long, long time ago.Having the hold, the grasp on it.It’s gone now, but it’s back.Existing, but not at the same time. Lingering.
Maybe it’s just a phase. It will pass. Or not.
Who know? No one knows.
So for now, I’ll have to be stand with my feet planted firmly on the ground.
Firmly on the ground for routine.
The routine of what has to be.
For, that is how it has been, how it is, how it will be.
No stopping it now.
Life : A race with the speed of light to the stop sign at the end of the street
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, don’t stand still now or you’ll start to rust
You don’t know how to cope, as this cognizance becomes a curse
Introspectively trying to assign worth to this existence
You find your only desire, is to set this soul afire
Breathing in smoke from the great blaze
Everything else, starts to fade
Pain,heartache
L
I
F
E
Now gone
Now all that’s left
Is the […]