Yeah. Okay. I have a thing for roses.
Dear ex who’s name I will not reveal. Lets call him Jeff.
Dear Jeff,
Does love mean practically stalking someone and trying to guilt them into being with you? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I attract some Really clingy men and I’m just not an overly affectionate person. I don’t want to stand in the middle of a store and do things that make people question how long […]
My phone rings and I know it’s him. I don’t want to answer, but if I don’t, he will keep calling.
“What?” I snap as I Put the phone to my ear.
“I miss you,” he whispers and I can tell he’s crying.
I don’t fucking love you. I stayed with you because you made me feel like I owed you that. I stayed because you made me feel like a dog.
But do I tell him that? Of course not.
“Leave me alone. Give up,” I say in something close to a growl.
He refuses. He won’t give up. I hate him. I can’t stand the […]
It all comes full circle. Nothing really left. I am 47 have not felt this way in awhile. Lost all that was good. I am not weak. But just cant stand the thought about what is left. Things dont really change. I was not a drinker. But all i want to do is get fucked up on alcohol, pills, weed. I need relief. I have good friends play in a band, but am alone always alone.
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This is a series of photos that I took recently in some off the wall attempt at expressing exactly what goes on in my mind. I feel so blinded, but the moment the blindfold is removed, I rgret it. I […]
I stay up till one to five in the morning doing dumb shit. And what do I get? Dumb Grades.
My life sucks.
I’d like to found an organization of plain wallflower demented freaks that no one can stand to look at too long
I’ll be the president
For starters, this is not one of those “talk me out of it” cries for help. This is a decision almost a year in the making. I do not suffer from depression, I have not made this decision lightly and I have done so sober and only during daylight to avoid any emotional bias.
I did my dry run this past weekend, my equipment is all setup and I felt 0 panic so this is happening.
Now for why: I am a pedophile. I am not however a child molester. The man that made me when I was 11, over two decades ago was however. I wonder […]
I’ve always been a sad person. Recently I thought I had finally found happiness and then out of nowhere he left me. I hate feeling so petty. The man I love left me. So what. It happens every day. Yet I have never felt more sad. I feel like a turtle that is on its back and can’t turn myself back. I finally let myself be myself and he left. One day we were fine and then the next we weren’t. The wind has been knocked out of me. I wish I could understand. I wish I could breath. I wish, I wish , I […]
I cant do this anymore….my friends tell me not to do it. And a minute later I get a call “I’m so sorry I tried to….” I cant stand here and know that my friends try and I can’t! They dont understand that I deal so useless when it happens that as I sit here and type this I’m about to cry. Keeping myself from doing anything…. I can only do this for so long….
Remember when he gave you that black eye?
And I broke his arm?
Where do we stand?
Why won’t you even tell me to fuck off?
Why won’t you say anything?
i am just a girl
I have no super powers
My veins filled with blood
But as I lay here
Breathing, in tears
By the agony I feel
I become aware
My heart ripped out
Stomped on, destroyed
Did not alter the life
Continuing on in my soul
I am just a girl
Without a heart, no joy
No possible future
Nowhere left to go
I have no super powers
But here I am
Against allodds
I still stand
I am just a girl
Without any hope
Void of will
I AM NO SUPER HERO!
So please tell me why
Against all the odds
why do I stand here still?
Ok lets get this started (warning mumbling) ok so im a guy and theres this other guy. So when his soppositly girlfriend told me and another boy her bohfriend is gay then she said no hes bisexual. My heart started raseing.. I was so happy but then felt sad becuz i Think she just said that for messing around. So ever since that i just cant stand the earg to just ask him. Aghhh i new him since 4th grade im in 8th grAde. Im bi too so what should i do
If I were to describe myself in one word it would be just that: weak. I hate myself so much I can’t stand to look in the mirror everyday. I hate myself for allowing all of these awful things to happen to me. If I would have just listened to my gut instinct and walked away from a lot of situations (including meeting you), I wouldn’t be in this position right now. I hate you and more importantly, I hate myself for not staying away from you. You have completely wrecked every part of my life and I know that it gives you an immense […]
Its been so long since Ive been happy. Day in and day out I yearn to just bleed, to let it out, to let go. All the pain of my life. Some 30 years of nothing but disappointments and pain. They say that the only thing that life promises is suffering. I say they are right. Its a sick twisted world that I have chosen to bring children into. I met the love of my life and now I dont even care if it all ends. He cant even be enough to keep me here. We have a baby. Its still not enough. What I […]
as i stand in the shower with you absent
i wish that all the fucking memories would wash away and go down the drain
i wish that all the pain and emotions would drain out of me
so i couldn’t feel this bittersweet emotion
my body still craves you
like you’re my fucking drug
but my mind knows that you’re so shitty
and bad for me
and i shouldn’t keep up this addiction to your love and affection
but i fucking cant because you’re the only fucking person
the only fucking person that tells me sweet nothings at 2AM when im so fucking vulnerable
you […]
That’s what it’s called. The happy moment interrupted suddenly by the painful thought, “God, I’m so stupid, I wish I could die.” It’s so silly, I can’t cross a bridge anymore, or stand near a high window, without it creeping up on me. “One jump, two seconds, splat! It’s all over.” You think that you’re happy, but all of a sudden the sanctuary of your mind is no longer safe. You have to tiptoe around your own thoughts, control the urges, try your damndest to keep it just that. Passive. Because if you take that leap, if you make that plan, if you reach for […]
Can’t get over this
So every-second so close-to
Hell and Heaven
Etch from the essence
I walk for another race
What is the fallacy that I have done
What do you see, what do you hear, what do you speak
What did I ever say my destination was
Like a fish with no water from ages-ago
Who is it that does what in the plague and sickness
I just don’t get it, I just need your oracle from where you stand
Like the Spirit-Bomb, of Goku
They come at night, to pull me in… I try to scream, but for some reason I can’t.
The sun goes down, there is no sound, I fight but now there is no one around.
Help me please, I can’t do this alone.
But help won’t come, and if they do; by then it’ll be too late
Because, well… I guess I just couldn’t stand the wait.
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss [her] in the weeping of rain;
I want [her] at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, — so with [her] memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, “There is no memory of [her] here!”
And so stand stricken, so remembering [her].
-Edna St. […]
Maybe this is my suicide note, maybe it’s not. I don’t know yet. I’m tired of feeling like there isn’t enough for me. I feel like I’m an accidental extra. I’m somebody’s mistake that they didn’t feel like taking care of. Almost 19 years ago two stupid idiot drug addicted teens decided they wanted a baby. 19 years later here I am wishing they hadn’t.
I will admit that right now there are a lot of things for me to be happy about.. but I think I’m too far gone. Too apathetic to them. It’s not enough. I try so hard to hold on to them. […]
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