I haven’t smoked weed in 6 months. Not for lack of trying since i moved i cant find a decent connect. Weed was an antidepressant that I no longer have access to. I dont drink so ive been begrudgingly sober far longer than id like. I dont want to be a blunt a day pot head. Just the occasional bowl to take the edge off. My outlook was mostly positive high. This isn’t to encourage weed use its not a cure all but got dam it helped. The only plus is i can pass a drug test which I’ll need to find a new job […]
Tag:
Straight Edge
the amassing depression. the self-loathing, self put down. the little voice in my head telling me that i should just kill myself and be free. my fucking straight edge calling me from the drawer. my psych meds transforming into an image of freedom. fuck fuck fuck!!! how wonderful it would be, the bus driver not being able to stop in time. or the gun salesman not knowing my true intention. fuck here come the fucking tears. the kind of sadness that make me feel weak and lonely. except for the fact that i am alone and lonely. i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being. […]
God I’m so fucking miserable, so fucking depressed AGAIN. and i’m just sitting here trying to tell myself it’s not ME it’s just in my head. just my messed up brain telling me i’m not okay cuz there’s nothing to be really sad about. unless i think about it. which is easy to do when you’re alone. easy to do when you can never shut your head up.
a couple of nights ago i was just laying in bed waiting for sleep to take me, and instead of thinking about my shitty stupid day i started day dreaming. and in this dream (which part of me […]