“so” again.

Going and seeking help is one of the hardes things to do. Especially when one is so aware of what’s going on inside them, and in your case, as was in mine, we were aware that there was a problem, and that by being honest with someone would somehow release some of those pains and hardships, well, truth is, until we can become honest with ourselves, we can tell five million people, and it will never make the substantial growth that it would if we were truthful to us. Cutting is something, just like an addiction, that offers a temporary release. It makes you feel good to see something physically happen, something to occur after a time filled with stress, anxiety, depression, whatever other bad emotion we humans can feel; it’s filled with an adrenaline rush, and the temporary pain seems to feel like an accomplishment because it’s something that we controlled. That’s the biggest turn on for cutters, it’s something that they can control, not something that controls them. They have the power to go where they want, as deep as they want and as often as they want, they can disclose it and hide it as well as they want, or they can make it as public as they want, the choices are always up to them, no one else. The thing about it is, it’s unhealthy. Everyone, even you and I know this, but, when you’re in such a depresive state, the only thing you want to do is have control over something, anything, and you’d go to lengths to have that control, and your body is one of the biggest targets in your search for dominance, unfortunately. I had battled with that for quite a long time, and I will have scars that were deeply cut into myself, and they will be there reminding me of my weak moments, where those deep cuts felt so relieving, but then, with cutting, comes the remorseful side effects; shamefullness, feeling as if you’re a failure for resorting to such insane measures, and then the fact that you have to make the choice whether to conceal what you’ve done, or let the world know that you have all of these issues, with cutting, comes a whole new world of anxiety. The best thing I could have ever done for myself, was find a passion in something, a drive that I could set my mind to, instead of focusing so much on things that I felt I had majorly failed at. Photography became my passion, and ever since the day I had picked up a camera and gone crazy, it has been one of my biggest saviors, in a sense. So delving into something you’ve never done before, gives you that adrenaline rush, and the sense of accomplishment, and makes you feel all of the “highs” that cutting did, excpet in a healthy way. Also, I found that the more that I had talked about my struggles with anything and everything, with people, I seemed to almost be lifting those burdens off of my chest, and pretty soon, I felt free. So, I want to be one of those people that you can just let it all out to, even if there’s some days when you just want to vent about something that had happened that really pissed you off, or something that had made you really happy, because, it’s good to talk about the good and bad, even though as humans, we tend to want to talk more about that bad things than the good, regardless, I’m here to listen whenever you need someone, don’t hesitate to shoot me an email at anytime, amanda_paris333@hotmail.com. Take care.