The driver had taken two candyflips earlier that day (acid and molly tabs) at the show. After the show, we went to an after party at someone’s house. Driver may have drank, I don’t know. But by the time I had to go, it was much after three in the morning…he wasn’t high anymore, just tired from being so high. We left, and he was swerving all over the place. My anxiety with cars has always been pretty bad, so my voice got caught in my throat and I couldn’t tell him to pull over. I closed my eyes on the highway after valley west […]
Every day, I see beautiful people around me. People with straight, pearly white teeth. People with skin as soft as satin and blemish free. They have everything in their hands, and they know it. Even I have to admit that beautiful people have the upper hand in life, because, hell, who doesn’t like looking at a pretty face?
My skin is disgusting compared to theirs. It’s spotted with scars. Trust me, scabies and a skin picking problem do not go well together. Now the scabies are gone, but the scars and scabs have been there for two years.
It’s almost as if God has decided that I […]
I’m really tired of fighting. Â I’ve been doing it so long – fighting physical issues, fighting mental issues – and I’m just so tired. Â I’ve tried my best, but things just keep getting worse, and I can’t see any way out of where I am. Â Everything is darkness, and the last of the light is disappearing.
I’m so afraid and so desperate that I keep reaching out to my best friend, but it all keeps going wrong. Â Somehow I end up being angry with him. Â I don’t mean to be, I just can’t seem to help it. Â Each time it happens he pulls a little […]
I walk upon this lonely road in a garden of the damned,
Where everyone will sleep one day and the ones who want to rot.
Their flowers wilt and spoil and brown from famine;
It isn’t true when people say they haven’t fought.
There’s blood among roses and posies and wildflowers,
And you don’t need thorns to make it so.
They slowly bleed up to the final hour;
Then nothing can save them and they feel alone.
There’s blood in the leaves and blood in the trees, everything decked in crimson,
No one seems to notice – except us, we do;
I wonder if they’re […]
Please hear what I’m not saying. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
– TheÂ “mask”
Ever since I first thought of suicide, no maybe even before that, I put on the “mask”. For me this social “mask” that I wear has probably caused me a whole lot more damage than hurt, yet everyday when I step out of my bed in the morning, I still put on this “mask”, even if it’s covered inÂ thorns. Why? This “mask” that I wear […]
Your just a snake in the grass I’m just a hunter set to destroy your world,hide all you want cause I’ll burn it all to the ground. Watch your tongue and the lies it spouts. When I’m done with you,there’ll be nothing left but your skin on my belt. You could never match me that’s why your in that hole while I stand above you, looking down with a smile on my face. Heh heh let’s make it rain! Step up so I can knock you back down This is what it sounds like…
When — you–die
Pick me up off the ground
Forgive me for what I’ve […]
Whatever it might cost, a look into the future,
Forsaken but not lost,
Nor given in to torture,
Like noises in the wall, no one will notice,
You know you will fall
And drown in misfortune.
Crowned by the doom, you almost see it coming,
To stand or to give up,
You can figure nothing.
Then you retrace your steps, and when the world rejoices
You stumble back and forth,
Youâ€™re torn between the choicesâ€¦
And the disaster gleams, beckoning the reverie
Youâ€™re dwelling into dreams
You know astral travelling,
Far away from scorns and senseless agitations
Youâ€™re breaking into thorns
I wish my awareness would dullen some or just disappear. I always walk by a mirror and look myself in the eyes and i can see and feel the sadness. I can see the tears that make up my brown eyes. My hands are calloused and aged. My heart aches and struggles again. My chest wants to break free of the tight bands of muscles surrounding it. My feet tired of walking on the earth.
Oh the feet enjoy the warm from hot asphalt and cold wet blades of grass. Just like my tongue it enjoys the bitter taste of chocolate or the burn of […]
One could say that my existence could be described thusly: my legs, my feet, directed by myself to carry me through a jungle containing thick brush and trees, thorns and poisonously vicious creatures; the thick vegetation and dangerous animals representing difficulties in life: a child of low socioeconomy, biologically harmful setbacks in life, unadulterated stress. Carried on my back — a part of myself — is an organic syndrome begetting bipolar disorder.
There I was trekking through the arduous journey of the first part of my life, running to break free of the grasping branches and hungry animals, trying to make it into the clearing which […]