I just don’t want to live that way. And I can’t see any way out.
I don’t want to be me. I want to be somebody else.
Tag:
to die
The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time has been schoolwork. I am a senior in college, graduating in May and wondering what will help me survive after that. I’m good at schoolwork. I’m smart. Not to sound arrogant, but I know what to do to get good grades, and I love to learn. When everything else is fucked up, as it often is, knowing that I can get something right is what keeps me alive. Now, it’s nearly over, and in all that handwork and all that knowledge gathering, I have no career prospects. Nothing that I’m particularly good at. […]
It feels like my chest is caving in. I can hardly breathe. Moving is difficult too. There’s this…disconnect…happening between my soul and body.
My soul needs to cry and release some of this emotion but my body refuses to allow it. My soul scratches at the doors to leave my body and yet, nothing changes. How do you escape your own body? The scratches from within are beginning to show. Random marks are showing on my body. I don’t recall scratching myself or bumping into things.
I can feel my soul trying to die but my body just isn’t responding. The stress of school, work, the anniversary […]
Depression has literally ruined my life. My mom doesn’t accept me because of my behavior so I got moved away for my only biological family (my sister) and moved to my dads, which his girlfriend doesn’t accept me because of my behavior and the fact that my dad goes out of his way to help benefit me so that I don’t jump off his balcony. I was a straight A B C student till around 7th grade I lost all motivation but somehow made it to 9th grade and completely failed because I stayed in the bathroom due to the fact that I hated going […]
I wake up thinking how will i die. I go to school planning how i could die. I go home wishing to die. I sleep dreaming of dying. I cant get death off my mind..
The wilderness and all its thorns
Tangled up around my horns
I ain’t got time to die tonight
Climbing the stars
Into the midnight hours
The serpent is eating itself
My heart is on fire
With its death and desire
I ain’t got time to die
Climbing the stars
Into the midnight hours
The serpent is eating itself
The serpent is eating itself
The serpent is eating itself
Tonight I ain’t got time to die
Oh baby, tonight I ain’t got time to die (yeah)
Baby, […]
-Are you OK?
-Yep.
-Really? You look terrible.
-Oh, thank you, I love you too.
(No, I’m not OK, I feel devastated, I just want to cry, I don’t know why the hell I’m even here, I dream about killing myself every night, please help me find a way to tell you that I want to die, just telling you some of the things that are wrong with an ironic comment at the end has stopped being enough, I want you to know how broken I feel, I don’t care about the causes anymore, I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong, you know my world is a […]
Everything hurts I want to die I don’t know what to do. I have a mood disorder and there is no cure and god I don’t want to live like this. Treat the symptoms, manage your emotions, improve your quality of life! But there’s nothing that can cure it.
I can’t eat either get it past my lips or I throw it up. I either sleep too much or can’t sleep at all. I haven’t left the house in days and I can’t talk to my family anymore.
Right now I can hear my dad down the hall calling all these therapists to help me. He’s started […]
I’ve always had a gut feeling of dying young. I’ve had a reoccurring dream since I was 4 of it.
I’m chronically ill. I’m a sophomore in high school, though I’m home schooled. No one cared when I left. No texts, or are you okays. I’m stuck here alone, sometimes with him. My mom hates me for the bills and because her boyfriend doesn’t like me.
I want to die.. I want to die pretty and happy, in my best dress and my makeup done. I want to die… but the only one I love will hate me for making him go to my funeral..
…. Funny when […]
Today was good. As good as it could have been. I spent the day with someone I’ve missed quite a bit. Things really could not have been any better. But I can’t shake this feeling. I’m so tired. I’m on the verge of collapsing with no one there to catch me. So what’s left? I could pick myself up and keep going… But I don’t know how. I could end it all tonight. I kind of want to. But I’m scared. Is it stupid to be scared? I feel like I’m failing miserably. At everything. I just don’t think there’s anything left for me to […]
Tonight is bad. Bad day at work. When my shift ended, I ran out of there on the dot. I can’t stand the job from the company to the day to day work. The managers are okay until they say one thing, then say the opposite. Makes me crazy. So, I was pushed to the edge tonight. I distracted myself with reading. I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza. It felt good for like two minutes. Then nothing. No good feelings. I took the slow spiral dissent into my deep, dark feelings of waning to die. Just wanting this madness to end! Can’t get a […]
I’m not Christian or anything, but i still fear the possibility of going to hell if i kill myself. I have chronic pain, severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD due to an abusive childhood. I’m ready to die, but this dumb fear is holding me back and i don’t know how to get over it. I’m suffering and i just want to be free. Does anyone have any advice at all? :/
I believe I have served my purpose. Natural death is just that, natural. It would be romantic if we died after having served our purpose so we could go peacefully knowing the suffering will end. However, because death can happen at anytime we could serve our purpose and suffer worthlessly for years only to die unhappy and confused. Some people are destined to be great and lead wonderful successful lives, not all of us are that privileged.
After having been medically discharged from the military just short of completing basic training due to an eye disease I cant control I no longer have anything to push […]
I deserve to die. I’ve lost the ones who’ve cared for me the most.
I don’t want to live
So I’ll forever be a ghost
I had a strange and morbid fascination the other night concerning a documentary I watched a few years ago…called “The Bridge” and it chronicles suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s hard to watch; haunting; very sad. What really spoke to me was the story of Kevin Hines, who actually survived the jump. Once he leaped, he was suddenly struck with the realization that he wanted to LIVE and changed his mind mid-air. And that’s what really haunts me…what if once you pull the trigger, or hoist the rope or leap off…what if in that very moment you decide that you don’t want to die […]
I’m so freaking done with life. What’s the point of staying here? I’m so sick and tired of hearing “God has a plan for you” the plan I want is to die right now. I can’t do this anymore.. No one cares..
i know he was kidding but I thought about it and, would i enjoy it if he choked me? stabbed me? I don’t know. I mean, I do want to die.
i wouldn’t mind if it was you
i hope maybe, in a weird way, i could get you angry enough for you to actually maybe scare me away or get rid of me. I don’t know. I’m weird. I’m sorry Elu, I love you, really. sort of. I’m not worth being friends with you. I’m not worthy of you’re kindness or anything.
Maybe one day I can find the courage to leave you alone.
These are the reasons that I want die:
1. I’m unique
2. I have Asperger’s
3. I feel isolated
4. I will never fall in love with anyone!
5. Most people in this world suck!
6. I won’t have to be afraid anymore and my anxiety will be gone for good!
7. I’m stinky and I smell!
8. I get overwhelmed so easily!
9. Humanity keeps sinking to lower and lower lows!
10. Being naked when I hang myself makes me very vulnerable, so I need to be successful with ending my life, so I won’t be hurt anymore!
11. As the late great Wendy O Williams said, “this world doesn’t make much sense”!
12. Just thinking about […]
At night is when it gets the hardest I think more I can’t hide my thoughts with distractions. I don’t now how to deal with my pain other then self harm or drinking till I pass out. I want to die most nights because I can see them, I can feel his breath on my ear. I close my eyes tight wondering when it will end. I see blood I feel pain and i wonder why he thought it was ok? I wonder how I can continue to plaster this fake smile I have made up and walk around like I’m ok. I don’t feel […]
I took the biggest leap in attempting to exit last night and it failed… obviously. So many things could have gone wrong or the helium wasn’t as pure as I was led to believe, but once I put the bag on, I was so sure I’d be a goner. Two days prior and I failed hanging myself nearly 30 different times/positions. I am in a state of regrouping as I will try until success… I can almost see my last resort being to fully hang myself (full suspension bs my failed partial suspension) but not until I try once more with the helium… and not […]