It’s Friday again
Speedy metal cages roll
Traffic is insane
I can barely think
Radioactive jello
My brain has become
Other people buzz
Mindless roaches scattering
To their party life
I stay in one piece
A dark room behind my eyes
Craving solitude
.
.
I’ve been feeling depressed for a while now, basically for the last 10 years or so. Really the one person who has kept me from thinking about suicide, and who got me to stop cutting has been my girlfriend for the last four years. A couple days ago she tried to tell me that things weren’t really working out, and basically she thought it would be best if we took a break from being in a relationship. At the time she made a convincing argument, basically saying neither of us has time, effort, or financial stability to deal with a relationship. I’m under the impression […]
Today feels like every other day. I sit alone in a house that I am not welcomed in. My job is lackluster, I love yous are said through gritted teeth, and the world feels dark again. I think of turning into traffic, running my car into a ditch to save myself from hurting others. I’m tired of being second place. I’ve been looked over, passed on and lied to. When does the hurting stop. I stand in a room full of people and no one knows all of my story. I could write volumes about their stories if needed. I need a release I need […]
I’m new to this so I don’t really know how to explain what I’m feeling but I need to get this out. My girlfriend left me 2 weeks ago and she was the reason I did anything with my life. She is the one it’s as simple as that and I would do anything to get her back. I’m a manic depressive anyway and I’ve been on pills for the last 6 years with no results. I have been seeing shrinks for the last 5 years and ended up in hospital 3 times trying to kill myself. I cannot deal with this anymore I’m 22 […]
I have the option of taking discounted driving lessons through school. I am one of the few people my age who flatly rejected this offer. I don’t want to learn to drive. There are a few reasons for this that I’ve explained to people- traffic freaks me out and I’m scared of somehow killing someone- but although both are true, the main reason I don’t want to drive is the temptation.
If I had a car and the ability to drive, it would be all too simple to purposely crash into a wall or something really fast (although I’d never let it kill another, I’d make […]
I want love, but it’s impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated
I can’t love, shot full of holes
Don’t feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don’t feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart
But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won’t break me down
Won’t brick me up, won’t fence me in
I want a love, that don’t mean a thing
That’s the love I want, I want love
I want love on my own terms
After everything I’ve ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh […]
I saw this lady commit suicide. I was in the car with my mom. I saw a car in the ditch. I didn’t really think anything of it. A ways up I saw a lady standing by the side of the road. I told my mom to be careful because I thought she may be crossing. There was a truck in front of us. The lady jumped under the back wheels of the truck. My mom slammed on the brakes and we came to a stop only a few feet from her bloody body. She moved for a few seconds and then just stopped. She […]
The girl love of my life dumped me after three years for another guy. I have struggled with depression before this but this really pushed me over the edge. I had done everything for this girl gave her the best two years of my highschool and she dumps me like trash. I don’t know what happiness is anymore. All day in school I think of ways I need to kill myself. She was the only thing that made me happy and now she’s sucking some guys cock. I tried to move on with other people but I find it impossible. I have sex but everything […]
I’m mildly obsessed with the idea of taking my life.
Almost any way possible if I can do it semi-passively. It’s almost ironic that I’m no longer afraid of heights because I’d like to fall from them. Right now, I’d like to go back downstairs and take the knife and start writing in my skin with blood. Conquer my fear of pain as well.
And I’d jut cut and cut and cut.
And if I accidentally let too much blood flow out? All the better.
Lately I’ve been trying to deal with food. I’ve been forgetting to eat every now and then and eating things with barely any calories […]
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