I dont know any of you guys, nor do I know your story/history. I know pain in life has brought us all here.I want everyone of you guys to know I love you and hope that peace love and happiness finds a way in your hearts and minds. We all here seem to be sick, hurt, lonely crippled goods.life has a way of beating the shyt out you.Just know whatever you ve done, whatever you do ,know that I really do care.Im sorry you guys are hurting I really wish it was some way that this was a place of peace amd love for everyone.since […]
Why do we celebrate thanksgiving when its really a time of mass murder? Why do we celebrate Christmas and buy all sorts of junk when so many are starving? Why are priests molesting the kids? Why did people boot stomp babies, and pull them apart in fours called quartering? Why were Jews killed by the millions? Why were Africans killed by the millions? why does it seem like a cycle that will never end? I dont blame any race , color, creed or nationality for any of this.All that most of us have become and learned has been around and handed down from generation […]
Why since we ve been on this planet do we treat one another so bad? All through out history is rape, murder, slavery, war, starvation. So why is it considered a blessing to live?The things we suffer as individuals is nothing really when compared to all that life has dished out to all that has lived.Are we here to further insure that this madness continues .we complain about our individual lives , but what about this blessing called life.Im sickened by the whole history of man.If this is a blessing I would hate to see a curse.when does the madness end? Although I been very […]
my last post holds alot of personal meaning…..maybe for all of us in one way r another…….i hope
when i think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird….i think of dying
lay me down in a field of flame and heather,
render up my body into the burning heart of god
in the belly of a black winged bird- Adam duritz
in the beginingwas the myth. God, in his search for self expression, invested the souls of
hindus, greeks, and germans with poetic shapes and continues to invest each childs soul with poetry every day.-hesse, Peter camenzind
“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t […]
“No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life”
When ever I hear this song this is the part when I start to cry…This pretty much perfectly describes my life and I’ve noticed it for years now. I seriously need help but I refuse to tell my parents about my depression, my mom already thinks she fucked up on raising us and I feel like telling her about it will only […]
‘to live is the rarest thing in the world, most of us just exist’ – the fabulous oscar wilde
litterally on the edge right now. cant stand anymore. i need a way out. i dont want to just exist anymore…
In regards to suicide I will say this. Though life can provide us with the indulgence of our favorite things, with friends and lovers, with the company of people who make our hearts soar, life can also provide us with troubles, thoughts of failure and doubts of our own virtues. My heart is impaled with sadness and sometimes I go through life a ghostly figure nothing to look forward to except the warm embrace of sleep. When a person’s life is infected with the disease of depression and some days are a struggle to live and most nights a struggle to sleep, it is suffering. […]
Teachers,
I need you to understand that teens in your class struggle to answer a math problem, a book question, or 50 questions on a test, not because they don’t know the answer but because they’re struggling with life. When you call on a kid because you don’t think they’re “paying attention”, just remember that, that kid pays attention to every little thing. Remember that kid contemplated ending their life that night bc of people who suck. So excuse us teens for not being able to focus in class, when we’re too busy focusing on what that mean ***** said to us right before class. […]
The more I tried to get help and was honest, it would seem that I hit some sort of systemic punishment. Over the years my diagnosis are getting longer, treating physicians are saying I’m too sick to be accepted, and I seem to get punished by care providers when I’m trying my best. I even went to the best facility in the US for an extraordinarily extended period of time. In the end, I learned that I could not speak my truth and was often demoralized at my attempts to combat my suicidality. Why am I the one to blame when the treatments are not […]
So haven’t posted in a while and I guess it’s because things were okay. But since I can’t access my doctor right now, I ran out of my anti depressants and after two or three weeks of not taking my daily “happy” pill, I’ve sunk right back to where I was before. Have you ever felt like you’re body us literally screaming that it’s your time to die? That’s what it feels like now, but of course, a part if me flashes images of my brothers, my Lil sister, the friends I still do care about, and it says that if I die, I may […]
Finally decided to take action and source ******** only to find a whole group of us in search of the same thing and wanting to move on from this life. As I read I think, “you’ve got heaps to live for” so what if you have a colostomy bag, so what if you just broke up with your significant other. You’ll get through this. But I need the ******** a lot more than you..
I’m sure that people have played the game of Life, you know, with the board and the dice and shit. The board with such spaces as “get married,” or “pay day.” They should add a space called “suicide,” and if you land there you should smile and nod and leave gracefully. Sorry, sir. You’ve lost the game. Sorry, I say, try again some other day! Sorry, there is no feasible way out – at least not for awhile. Sorry, you get to sit there and watch the rest of us play. Sorry, you are a loser.
You’ve probably […]
So in my last post, I wrote about Alex… I need to get the Hell over him but… I don’t want to. I imagine us together all the time… It’s driving me insane! I only knew him for six days, and we’ve been out of touch for a month! I miss him, though… It’s my fault we can’t talk… What if he hates me now? What if he forgot about me an met someone else? We met in a hospital, and now he’s gone to a 45 day program… What if the girl he meets actually takes risks for him? I tried to, I really […]
After the dawn has come, and the moon no longer crest..the shadows on the walls still don’t seem to rest. Could be a day to forgive angels and saints..but the blood I’ve drawn is purely symbols for the pain.. and though it seems these ghosts should rest..they wait in the corner for me like a silence breaking breath.. take a single breath, followed by a three..double back to gasp for more, while choking down a fourth, and a fifth.. a day I won’t be fighting for..a day that won’t be missed..
Bring the morning sun, as to show I’m not too far.. far away from […]
Doesn’t it feel like we always have to prove something to somebody to get anywhere? When we work for others, our boss. When we work for ourselves, our clientele/fan base. And all of it is typically for one thing: money, the item through which we sustain a living.
Now being a rather introverted individual, I often find the task of socializing with anybody to be rather exhausting. So then how might I go about making plenty of money when I hate probably the most important aspect of earning it? Building rapport, networking, and selling on my particular skillset/product seems like a lot of unnecessary stress.
Take my […]
Just like I presumed life seriously did mess me right up again. Life just seems to be a gamble nowadays. Once again I got caught with my boyfriend….really is it that bad to have a boyfriend I mean I am 18 just leave me be. Ok I know it goes against my religious beliefs and all but I just don’t know what to do any more. On one side my parents are telling me to get married now, but we have nothing to live off and are still students ourselves…and on the other side I have his side who don’t mind me getting married to […]
My birthday is always a difficult one for me to swallow. I’m always alone, depressed, thinking of what it would be like to be released from such a hell.
I see people my age hand in hand, laughing hanging out having a good time, enjoying life. I’m alone and in pain that has become so familiar it’s like an adopted friend I can always count on to be there. The familiar sting, burning sensation I almost swear is right under my skin as the pain wraps it’s arms around me in a loving embrace.
I had a girlfriend who recently broke it off and told me, she […]
I hate my life.
I hate my life because I am too stressed. I have been pouring over textbooks my whole life and I have been judge by my peers many many times. I can tell you ,any educational facts, but I cannot tell you the value of security and/or kindness. I can tell you many people have attempted to take their lives because of school. I can tell you that mistakes are viewed as failures in many hallways. A wrong answer is a sin you must atone to, not a human error, but a flaw so grand it defines your life course. When I get […]
” We little knew the day that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone.
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories.
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one
the chain will link again. “