I don’t want to be here anymore
want
I don’t really know what to say. I’ve gotten so used to saying nothing to people because they don’t want to hear about what’s on my mind. And because I’m afraid of the consequences. The psych ward is no fun. Jail is no fun. I’m never going back to either. I used to cut. Pro tip: if anyone asks about the marks, just lie, even if it’s not believable. They won’t challenge you on it because they don’t want to deal with it. Fortunately the scars have faded with time and I have hairy arms so nobody ever notices unless I show them. My […]
I know as a parent you should never just want to kill yourself because it’s selfish but I feel as a parent it would be better for my 5 week old daughter. I’m 18 and I’m alone . The boy that I was supposed to marry cheated on me so I broke up and for a while we lived in the same town and despite the fact he cheated on me physically abused me while I was pregnant with her and emotionally abused me I wanted to work it out for her and then he would call me high and drunk and stalk me and […]
Basically just wondering if anyone else on here, that’d be kinda feeling the way i always do as well, is from about Ireland (currently living in).
And if want to chat a bit that’d be cool, just looking for some conversation at the moment.
Life is death my loves and as soon as you embrace that, you’ll know that your freedom is in death. The will to live and the will to die are both in the same. Choosing to die is the bravest thing one has ever chosen. No need to fit in the masses or walk with the herd. Knowing that you only exist because you want to and you can be gone when you want to is true liberation and beauty. Those who try to stop you are seeking validation and a divine purpose. Your death is a choice, your life is a choice. Don’t be […]
My life has always been filled with emptiness. I have never had motivation or aspirations. I completely lack in ambition. There is nothing I want to achieve no goals I want to accomplish. I have no hope for the future because I don’t want anything. If there is nothing you want what is there to hope for? I suppose the only thing I want is the desire to want. Life isn’t bad it just seems so empty and pointless and meaningless. I am not really attached to anything or anyone. I avoid people not because I hate people I am not misanthropic I just find […]
Lately I’ve been trusting no one. My “best friend” said she didn’t want to be my friend anymore when she found out I was emo.I’ve known her since I was 6 and now I’m 12 almost 13. Also one of my guy friends from school turned his back on me and started calling my names. Past friends have left me also,my dad and step mom found out that I’ve cut myself, my sister was being nosy and heard what we were saying and went and told all her friends. Some of my friends know about it too from my sister. I just hope that my […]
All my life I’ve struggled against the pain. I’ve wondered what was wrong with me. I’ve carried the demon around for so long I almost forget that other people don’t. I first felt truly suicidal when I was 8 years old. I hated life so much. I don’t think I realized people liked and loved me because I felt so worthless on the inside. We moved when I was 10, and I thought geography would cure me. The pain only got worse with puberty. I even wrote a story about committing suicide, but the school never addressed it.
In 9th grade, a friend died in a […]
“539 Everlast”
Spectral I will never arrive
But will you for me if you saw me
Does it but would it matter
The way that I come
Only my backside facing to you
I only want to look up to the sky
I was a natural prodigy at hockey
Super-Man all the way
The fresh air and trees, take me
That is all that I want
To look up and stare at the moon
The stars in the sky that you are
The imagery, child in beautiful room
I love toys and everything
When you dream of you cutting your arms and their never going to stop bleeding and then you step into that bath filled with cold water wearing that white dress and dreaming that you will never belong in this world but in the end why is there so many people that care? Why is it that people feel the need to be there for you when you know your not worth it? Why is it that you feel like you can never let your self live a bit? Why is it that you want to let someone know your deepest secrets but your scared they […]
Have you ever felt like you needed help but don’t want to risk asking for it?
I miss you so much. I miss talking with you, I miss being with you, your company was my distraction from the dark void in my head.
The flashbacks I’m having are brutal. I constantly want to kill everyone around me. The anxiety and anger is just getting worse. I can’t go out in public without my eyes darting back and forth like someone is out to get me. I hate people.
Last therapy session made me rehash things that I long buried, I relived the shock and disgust. Therapist even commented on the scared look in my face. I just dont know what to do anymore.
I feel so alone in a group of people. I dont know what I have become. I used to be so happy all the time. I used to be so care-free. I honestly dont know what happened. Over the course of 2 years I became so cold. I never let people in (in my personal life) anymore. I don’t want to say I have bipolar depression, but I know that is not the case. But there is something different about me. Everyday is a battle for me. It is become such a battle for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I […]
Living and killing myself are both just too hard and take too much effort. I am tired of exerting myself everyday, trying to appear like I’m normal and belong on this Earth. All I want to do is lie in bed, put blankets over my head, and somehow stop my incessant thoughts. If I did this though, I would once again be treated as if my personal rights did not exist. My space would be invaded once again. I wouldn’t be allowed to do anything again on my own. My overprotective parents wouldn’t let me sleep alone or do work in my room alone or […]
Also known as “manifestation”.
I have known a few people over the past few years that actively practice these “principles”. Most of them appear to be doing just what they want and are wildly successful. You may have seen accounts on the internet about people like this that seem to have everything they want with little or no real effort. Of course that is their take on their situations so it’s a bit difficult to determine what may be reality vs. simply their perception. I mean, I have also known people that dug up and fixed broken sewer pipes for a living and that were […]
So, I never thought i’d be trying to talk to people online for advise but here goes nothing… Iv’e been with many women trying to find that one girl and all of my relationships have never really lasted long because I just emotionally refuse to fully give myself to someone until my last relationship. I hope you won’t judge but my last relationship was online in an online game me and my friend used to play and I met this girl, she was really nice and I was getting in to her and I could feel she liked me and just when I was getting […]
I think sometimes in life you take the path that seems the most daring and obvious to you, but sometimes that path isnt the right one. For me it was the art path, since i was 16 i dreamed of being a great artist someday, i worked my ass off for years, putting aside friends,health and everything else, because everyone knows usually if you want to succeed and have a living in art you either need incredible luck or work your ass off everyday. Well i chose not to rely on luck and work my ass off, and even then, it wasnt enough. After almost […]
Hello, I first want to say I hope everyone is having a good day. I suppose mine would be a bit better if you all in the SP community could clear something up for me if you would. I have seen that you all wish to attack a certain member on here called Squid. And I do not wish to start anything by this post and I am sure you all will start in with your reasons of why he is indeed a Pedophile. I only wish to truly understand with clear evidence what is causing this to be said and nothing more. I do […]
I got accused of not being suicidal yesterday because of a post about loving two people. how can people just assume? yes, I am miserable, morbidly depressed, very bipolar and BPD and a bunch of other things, but I have had a few good moments. just because a post doesn’t mention that I want to die doesn’t mean I don’t want to die.
I’m sure now. I bought a ticket to another place, I don’t want my parents to find out. I live in a very shitty country, so they won’t know this way. I’ll go to the mountains and eat some mushrooms, alone. Bye.