It’s been hard, very hard, there are times in which I was fine, others in which I was simply “better”, I feel simply weak, like I’ve seen people passing for things so much more complicated than me and yet I keep asking myself. Why to live? What is the meaning of all this? Why keep feeling all this sadness, I can’t fix some things, I can’t fix my life and I can’t talk with anyone about these things, I don’t have family or friends to speak about it, that’s hard, having to act like I’m fine, HAVING to be fine,why do I have to be […]
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will
Its funny how all the planning and commitment can go out of the window once faced with the prospect of jumping. Originally i was going for a shotgun but i cant afford the gun, ammo, travel and bullets. This time of year a bridge would be perfect because of the freezing water coupled with the long drop. Its weird though… i wrote the note, really believed i was going to do it (this is my first time ever) and i just couldn’t bring myself to go over. I must have paced back and forth at least 10 times, and every time i went to go […]
I can feel my heart slowly beating the same slow pulse,
But my mind is breaking apart and starting to convulse,
As I try to not think about the destruction before my eyes,
Another day gone down the drain in the life that I despise,
A quiet bum bum, bum bum, goes on inside my chest,
I still have a heartbeat but it’s very faint,
Meager at the very best,
Back to my brain,
It is turning off,
Shutting down from all my pain,
The drugs, the cuts, the suicide,
My eternal cloud of rain,
I’ve been counseled and hospitalized to no avail,
Every treatment sought has failed,
Hope is scarce and failure is often,
I wish they would just put me […]
My proposed Note or “willâ€
(If you don’t give a fuck [as I suspect you don’t] and just want to get to the will skip the paragraphs and go to the bolded text.)
I killed myself because I can’t make heads or tails of life. My luck is almost always bad, and I am tired of hardship. Like many who have been in this place I have contemplated, and while the one’s full of vigor and self-righteousness say to live is the hardest, that isn’t true. It’s taken me a lot of research and commitment to die. Staying alive was not because I chose to do the […]
I used to be depressed. I cut, and hurt myself, even thought of suicide because I thought there was no other way out. I know a lot of you will dismiss this post as garbage, it may even get taken down, but I want to help. I would know more than most that sometimes you just need to have someone reach out to you, let them make the first move. Now that I’m healing, I’ve made it my life goal to help at least one other person through what I experienced. If you want someone to talk to, let me know. I’m not offering professional […]