One day, I realized he might not exist. My soulmate, I mean.
I realized there might not be someone walking around this earth just waiting to meet me. Someone with a private world just as intricate as mine that, one day, I would get to share and be a part of and know.
And I realized I was keeping a vacant spot in my heart for this person who might not exist. That I wasn’t allowing myself to be whole because how could I be whole with my other half missing?
It’s been a few weeks since I have posted, and have come to the conclusion that it’s everyone else that’s screwed up and not me.
I’m convinced that whilst I may have my failings (needy and insecure) I’m actually a nice person.
Intervention by my doctor and local crisis team have helped a great deal, and my meds have been increased significantly. Got a testing few weeks ahead of me but that light at the end of the tunnel is now a lot bigger than a pinhole.
Have discovered an amazing singer recently too (Blossom Dearie) and would recommend that anyone in crisis should youtube her and just […]
So many posts I read on here, so much loneliness, emptiness, self anger and hatred I wish I/we had the opportunity to meet one another and assist each other through these times. The powers that be know I can use a friend! Were all destined to die eventually its just getting through the “now” that’s so fukin difficult. I know I wish I had an understanding individual to chill with. Well back to my lonely world, to those that plan on killing themselves, good luck and to everyone else I hope you have an understanding friend to turn to!!! Good day all
I was made in this world, by unfairness… i lived my life in internats and thus life live practically with a hunched back, and now as a 31 year old with no actual friends, no girlfriend (i gave up there) (though i have a ex i dont want to talk about and shes not the reason for this but more of a final straw in a sense that made me really get bad physically after she broke up with me because i wouldnt have sex with her like a monkey but wanted to take things slow, im also a virgin, yes at my 31st and […]
I was foolish to think that I could have a happy birthday. In what world would I ever deserve one day where nothing went wrong? One day where I could feel happy and celebrate 21 years of surviving depression, anxiety, and just overall shitty life? No. It would be my last huge milestone birthday that would just take the cake. No pun intended… Happy fucking 21st birthday to me! Complete with family drama, friends telling me I’m a piece of shit, and being spat on for trying to help. I am so sorry world. If I am that much of a disappointment and hassel, I’ll […]
Gel pills are the best because they taste like nothing, and it’s the more adult way of doing it (whatever that means, huehuehue!). They take me to another world, they make me feel innocent and kind – like a little girl, and ignorance is total bliss when you’re someone like me. 🙂
Enough is enough. I am a human I live in this world. You can go an lo screw yourself. Oh so you will bring me down? Good luck with that cuz I’m a real gangsta haha no I’m not really. But you know what you haven’t been through shit so don’t look at me and act like you’re gonna harm me cuz only God can harm me. I am a part of god. I am a part of the angels light. My soul is a part of this world. This world belongs to me as much as it belongs to you. Go fuck yourself this […]
I like staying busy… When I am busy my mind can stay off all the negative things in my life. But when the music stops and it’s quiet. I find myself all alone… My mind goes into a whole another world…
i just wanna pop the pills and take one too many….
i just wanna fall sleep and never wake up…
but i fight these thoughts every night in hope that one day things will get better. I pray they will get better because of they don’t I am not sure how long I will last… I am only human…
The other day I was sitting on the public bus and I was feeling really sad, as usual recently. Before I got to the bus stop I was sweating because it was really hot outside and I was also really sad because I had looked at myself in the mirror and I had seen something I really didn’t like about myself and I didn’t like myself, not that I have ever truly liked myself. Anyway, when I was on the bus, I started looking at the scenery around me and I started thinking how ever since I was young I have always felt like I […]
Tonight has an especially numb feeling. I can’t even cry anymore;I just want this world to end. I feel it should be optional to take your own life if you have no desire to fulfill it. The only question is… How?
Oh yea, you know who you are. 🙂 And you are my world. I love you a lot!!!! 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97S66xee0U8
August 31st.
I’m sitting here on my chair, thinking about ME and MY pathetic life as usual. Given the fact that today is my birthday just makes me feel ”ultra sad”. Birthday usually symbolize the day of you being bought upon this world so you can ”celebrite” it. But in my definition of birthday is totally different, the thought of birthday makes me sad, what have i got to celebrite for? Being forced to live in this world? All I did was making my birth mother suffered, being pushed out of her womb as she scream in absolute pain is something to be happy for? Enough […]
F life, F this world, F people, F everything.
I really should have died then, Tsukuru often told himself. Then this world, the one in the here and now, wouldn’t exist. It was a captivating, bewitching thought. The present world wouldn’t exist, and reality would no longer be real. As far as this world was concerned, he would simply no longer exist—just as this world would no longer exist for him.
I often wonder how we can be so alone in this overpopulated world??? Such a sad existence once you survive the unsurvivable! Everyone/everything you once knew continues on like you were never there. We are so insignificant alone!!! 1 more day closer to the end, so curious to see what happens yet so reluctant. Goodnight world!!!
Why is it that I can’t go a day without thinking about killing myself?
Why do the girls at school hate me so much?
Why can’t I remember what happened to me?
Why is it that I hate myself so damn much?
Why do I cut myself almost every day?
Why  can’t I stop?
Why is it my parents hate who I’ve become?
Why do the churches say that being bisexual is wrong?
Why can’t I Â be normal?
Why is it that I can’t be with who I love because she’s a girl?
Why do the boys bully me?
Why can’t I be accepted for who I am?
Why oh why does this world have to be […]
Isolation can be a dangerouse thing.It can change you.it can warp you.it will mold you into something….not human.I know this because I live it.in all the years that I’ve lived in isolation, I noticed one thing.it takes you down a path….it starts to change you little by little.and everytime you hit a vital point down this dark path…you become that much less of a human.For me at least, I know this much.you start to hate uncontrollably, you turn into something else.Im a perfect example, im not human anymore…I may look,act,and sound like one but the truth is im turning into something of the dark.I love […]
I am so alone, so weak, so not anything worth keeping up a fight for.
You know those feelings that are so strong they just become unexplainable? Â That’s what this is like.
So now what am I supposed to say? “Goodbye cruel world.” Or whatever. Â No, there is nothing left to say, only to do. Go. Leave. Exit.
Its so hard to understand something you just cant get a grip on.take life for example,it truly is a beautiful thing…but at the same time it can be so….cruel.emotions are a great subject.they make us happy and sad….angry and loving.and yet it is these very same emotions that can do so much damage.let me ask you a question.why?….why is it that we’re given happiness on a silver plater just so it can be ripped away?…why is it that this emotion called happiness is dangled in the face of those who can never have it?.To me the answer is clear…you have to fight….the happiness you may […]
Let’s just say, the last six years of my life haven’t been easy.. and now I’m at a point in life where I’m starting to struggle. When I was fourteen, I lost my mum to cancer, and that was when my world started to come crashing down. I went off the rails.. I spent all of my time drinking, taking drugs, trying to shut everything out and for a while it worked. That was until my brother got ill, since we’d lost mum, he was severely depressed and wouldn’t leave the house. He started to act strange and had a few episodes in which he […]