Today was the day

Just found this site today… figured I had better share the day’s experience… don’t know if will help me or anyone else, but I guess it can’t if I don’t.
First, a little background… I have suffered from depression and had suicidal thoughts from since before I was a teenager.. (I’m now 52)… nothing major, just the “I wish I was dead right now” type of thoughts that I thought were typical… the depression worsened through the years…. the suicidal thoughts still not an everyday thing and really only thought about when things were real bad…. then, in 2005, I got arrested when someone intervened …. still hadn’t even tried to hurt myself.. but I did say I wanted to…. which resulted in 3 days in the local jail and a bunch of other legal stuff…. since then, things have been pretty good… when I get depressed, it only lasts for maybe 2 days… and it hasn’t ever been as bad as 2005… thinking about, but never thinking of acting on suicide….. this past week (I think it was Thursday)…. some bad news….. next thing you know, I’m spiraling…. everything I hear, I hear the bad in…. another bit of bad news…… it got so bad that I stayed up all night drinking Thursday…. trying to forget everything, just to try to get the demons out…. alot of times, by the time I’m so hungover the worst has passed…. this time was a little different in that I did not sleep either…
Anyway….. this morning at 11:04 am local time, I sent a text to the one person I thought I could talk to… but I had already busted that relationship on Friday…being drunk and depressed…. I knew they wouldn’t answer (part of the reason for the text)…. at 11:05 I stepped off the workbench in the garage with a noose around my neck. I knew the distance wasn’t great enough to break my neck… I was okay with that… I had tested a little earlier in the morning and figured, it’s gonna hurt and it won’t break my neck but will do some real damage….. so I carefully just stepped off and held the rope a bit until it was very tight… then let go… I was prepared to strangle…. I passed out….. then the noose let go and I tumbled to the ground, gasping for air, wondering what happened….. it wasn’t until about 20 minutes later after I had caught my breath, the blood rushed back to my head that I could walk out to the garage to figure out what happened. The rope did not break.. I evidently didn’t tie the noose quite right…. it completely fell out….. might have been the “dance of death” I was doing…. I don’t know… I tested the noose and the knot over the rafter a couple of times… I was postive it would work…. and after todays experience, am positive it will…. but my neck and throat are extremely sore…. I had put on a turtle neck to prevent the rope burn, turns out that was a good idea…. but my neck is still red and sore 10 hours later… I can barely swallow…. if only that damn knot hadn’t come undone! Once my neck heals a little bit I will probably try again…. convinced that I don’t need to break my neck to hang myself…. the rope is still tied to the rafter… i just need to retie the noose.. . and this time I will make sure it’s done right….

thats what this site is for right? relating my experience?

don’t feel like it helped me….. maybe someone else…. believe me… my neck and throat are EXTREMELY sore…..