I have tried to focus on the positive. Tried talking to someone. I feel like I’m just going through the motions and nothing is working anymore. I have felt suicidal for a large portion of my life. I was hospitalized in May and tried to kill myself in my hospital room. I just want to hang myself or slit my wrists. Or overdose on my meds. I feel so alone and I just can’t do this anymore. My family doesn’t understand. Nobody does.
I don’t want to tell my therapist because I don’t want to be in the hospital again. It scares my friends, but I think they just want me to stop talking about it. My sister gets scared when I mention it to her. Nobody seems to know what I need, I don’t know what I need. I’ve lived 27 years. 14 of which I’ve lived with depression and suicidal thoughts. I’m so tired of living this life. It’s too exhausting. Too frustrating. I just wanted to reach out one more time before I do it. Maybe I’ll get the hope that I need.