Don’t know what to do anymore

Hey i really don’t know what to do anymore. For way to fucking long ive put up with my terrible life. Ive tried to kill myself twice, i got addicted to alchohol but now i dont even have that anymore because my parents locked it up. I dont even know whats wrong i have a pretty cushy lifestyle but i still hate it. I cant try to kill myself again because last time i tried a lot of people got in trouble and i dont want that to happen again. i dont have any friends, i used to have one who cared about me but she hates me now because of the last time i tried to step into traffic she got really mad at me and i feel really bad for upsetting her and i really dont deserve to be her friend anyway. Im a sophmore guy in highschool, and most people are out with their friends at restaurants and parties and stuff, but im just sitting around wishing i was dead. Im seeing a therapist and on medication, but none of its working and dying is the only thing i haven’t tried yet to make things better. Anyway i dont really expect you guys to read this thanks anyway.