I have suffered from depression for decades along with addictions etc. In the early 90’s, at my last re-hab
without any warning I began to write poetry. It just came to me. It seemed effortless. Fast forward to Robin Williams suicide, the medias response, such as what did he have to be depressed about? That is such a selfish act, prompted me to jump into the fray. I KNOW what the feeling is like that killing yourself is the only way to stop the unbearable pain. So I posted one of my poems on Facebook. Last night I spoke with my sister, who told me that her grandson, who has attempted suicide at least once is not doing well. So my goal here is to post another of my poems in hope that it can maybe help someone, anyone , and maybe my sister’s grandson.
This is dedicated to my sister Bonnie. Titled” I DREAM”
I dream of love
But suffer from loneliness
I dream of peace of mind
and battle my demons
I dream of self-acceptance
yet fight to avoid self-loathing
I dream of a soul-mate
and find myself tongue tied in the presence of women
I dream of health
but have tried not to be self destructive my whole life
I dream of the possibility of genius
but wonder if I’m insane almost daily
I dream of action
yet become frozen with anxiety
I dream
I dream
I dream of helping others
but fear I am self-centered most of the time
I dream of riches
but realize, I am so much better off, when so many people are dying daily from lack of food and clean water
I dream of the possibility that I possess the talent to achieve greatness
and then have to endure my own thoughts that tell me I am worthless
I dream of a God that unites
but see daily the countless slaughter of people in the name of religion
I dream
I dream
AND STILL
I believe in my dreams
I believe God gives us dreams, as guides for us to follow
I believe that as I help myself and get healthier
IN ALL WAYS
I then may be able to help others
I believe that world peace may be impossible
But as I garner more and more of my own inner peace
I think that those thought waves radiate outward, like ripples in a pond of water, from a thrown pebble
I BELIEVE
I BELIEVE
I believe my dreams
Can come to be.
DO YOU?
rdb 2009