Not every problem is temporary

All my life I’ve felt alone. At 23, I have great friends since childhood and had some good relationships as well. As I got older, I felt this disconnect from humans that made it hard to relate. By nature, I’m a shy guy and keep to myself. It’s obvious that it doesn’t help with my loneliness but what does it matter how many friends and relationships I’ve had if I still feel alone? I get attention from girls but I don’t have the urge to flirt with them it’s like I could care less but I’m physically tormented without any company. My family is dysfunctional and seems we only see each other on holidays. I hear a lot of non sufferers of depression and some sufferers say ‘oh suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem’ but in my case the problem is permanent. It hurts because from the outside I appear normal but the inside couldn’t be more different. I don’t want to feel alone anymore by my ineptitude to beat my desire to erase my loneliness. Before my depression, I tried ways to combat what is causing my suicidal ideas but nothing has helped. I don’t feel comfortable talking to people in real life about this issue for fear of labeling. But now, as I write, it comes as a relief to get this off my mind. The reality is that some have to be miserable in order for others to be happy just as life and death. It is a part of nature. I used to believe that suicide was not a good solution and how I would hurt others but people move on. Nobody can be that self-centered to believe otherwise, well some can. I’ve read stories about people who gave life a shot and ended up even more depressed years later. I don’t want to end up that way to the point I go crazy. Some won’t see rational thinking in suicide but it’s hard to explain how my life is everyday so they’re entitled to their ‘opinions.’ To anyone reading this, never make life ending choices spontaneously. Think about how you can change your situation and if you can’t I’m an example that gives you solace in whatever you reason. Quality of life is different for everyone and never let someone or religion make you feel guilty about a decision you make because in the end you’re the one suffering. We all have to go sometime. Wishing you all the best.