I’m new here but for 9 years I’ve been wishing and contemplating my death. Today the doctors told me my mom has less than 2 weeks. She’s been in a semi-vegetative state for almost 3 days. Everyday I wake up and wonder why I am here. How do I get past this? I don’t have a horrible life but I am so depressed. I’m on 2 antidepressants and an anti-anxiety drug but it doesn’t matter, I hate getting out of bed in the morning. I dread going to my job. I know I should feel lucky; but I don’t. I’d give it all up in a heartbeat but I don’t want to leave my son. He’s losing his grandmother right now.
I have come close to swallowing a 90 count bottle of ambien. Nobody would know for at least 10 hours. I would be gone, un-savable-no chance of revival. I’ve planned this so many times. I woke up after the world was supposed to end in 2012 and thought “what the hell?”. When someone almost mowed me down with their truck in a parking lot, I thought of how my son could have some money after he sued. I am so tired.
1 comment
I don’t have any advice for you. I don’t really even know what to say. I just – well, everybody comes here to let it out, and its so relieving to read what others have to say and to be able to acknowledge that we’re not alone. And you’re not. All of the people here who are struggling with their very being, whether their problems are similar to yours or not, are able to understand what you are going through right now. It really helps to know that everybody, young and old, boy and girl, all different people around the world understand. We’re here for you. I just wanted you to know that. The best of luck