I’m so confused about what I want. Â I’m a 23 year old female and yet I have these strange, conflicting cravings about sex. My boyfriend utterly destroyed my sanity when he left about eight months ago, a grand feat as I was the most stable, sane and normal person I knew. I knew myself so well then… I was a smart, strong, career driven, straight feminist. I had a normal to low sex drive, but I blamed it on the fact that we didn’t live together and it was more difficult to be romantic while my roomates were in the next room. Then, after we […]
wereone
I touched the tepid fluid, tried to grasp it and it slipped.
My fingers recoiled from failure. Â I bunched them against my chest.
There now, you tried, you see? Moist tips. Soft.
Weave a tight basket with flipper fingers, slippy dippy, try once more.
Clumsy ways. Suck the tip. Nip the cuticles. Next time maybe?
I need to grip it tightly otherwise it’ll slip away again. Is that the right mind- the right brain? Yes. Just hold on. Touch the wet.
Touch it.
The door to my balcony is only five feet away. I’m on the 19th floor. I’ve tried killing myself four times. Why can’t I jump? Just thinking about going over the rail makes me cringe, yet it wouldn’t be a bad death. I’d have a beautiful view going down, it’d be quick and certain and quiet. I sat out there for two hours yesterday, wearing only a t shirt and shorts in 6 degree weather. I tried to psych myself into jumping, hoping that the cold would numb my fear. Â Eventually I gave up when I heard my next door neighbour come into the cold […]
This is my first time posting on Suicide Project. I’ve been reading through quite a few posts and I don’t know if I fit in here- I’m not a kid or a poet, but I’ll give it a shot. What do I have to lose, right?
I’ve been suicidal for seven months now. I’ve tried killing myself four times. Once cutting my wrists, twice with pills and once with a sleeping pill/bag over head combo. Obviously they didn’t take.  I’ve been researching different methods, I read Final Exit and I’ve begun getting rid of my possessions and saving up enough money so my roommate can pay rent until […]