I’m done

  November 21st, 2008 by Jonny

I’m pretty much at the point I’m done.

The business we own is failing after two years. And no, not because of the economy but because of issues with our shopping center.

We are pretty close to losing our house. I’ve thought of burning it down but then either way wife and kids would have nowhere to live. The insurance will be more than enough to pay off this hell hole.

I’m tired of fighting a losing battle. I simply can’t take going through it day after day after day anymore. Go to work, sell a piddly amount, struggle to pay the bills and debt, cry because there are very few customers coming into the place. But who can blame them. The center looks like it’s dying and we still have a lease tying us there. The other places in there are in the same boat and it seems to be all we talk about.

Spend all day there, don’t get to really see my kids anyway since I work morning to night 7 days a week. Doubt they’ll miss me for very long. I’m just someone who comes home and sleeps in the living room.

Tonight I’ve gotten the life insurance papers out and placed them where they can be found. Everyone else is asleep. The house is already a friggin disaster area so I’m planning to do this outside so there won’t be one more mess for them to deal with. Will be easier to hose everything down outside. A 40 caliber bullet will do the job very effectively and the time has come. I wish I could say I will miss being here but I actually won’t. I’m fed up with working my ass off and getting farther behind.

Writing about this has been very helpful and actually highlights all the reasons to shoot myself in the head. There is nothing good left anymore. The only good thing is that by writing this my brief miserable story of my life will live on forever online. I’m much calmer now about this and no longer afraid to die. Bye

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