Nobody hears

I am 49,I have had the same difficulty as the “nobody hears” letter before mine.,has the tears stream down my face has I read it. When I tell people about how I’m feeling that I’ve thought about killing myself they become distant. I lost my mother to cancer 1yr ago nov. 13th. A 1 yr reconciliation failed with my marriage, I am now divorced after a 3 yr. separation previously, to trying to make it work again. I volunteeringly gave up my home and assetts, equity in the home to make a new start, a loving relationship I have with my two daughters isn’t the same we’re not a real family anymore. I’ve had to move twice. I live alone All of this in less than a year. I became nauseated because of how close I came a couple of times to ending it. I am also on disability, have been for 9 yrs. I believe it was a misdiagnosis none of it matters anymore…I can’t go on feeling the pain of the loneliness much longer. I work 3 jobs to try to pay off the debt the divorced caused owing the lawyer. I have thought of suicide many times in my life it is at the point that I am no longer able to hold on I feel the desire to not feel the pain becoming more and more I can’t take feeling the pain anymore I wish someone could help me. I cry for help in so many ways it feels as if It’s my destiny to commit suicide for others to learn. I’m saddend by one aquaintance who shared with me once after another aquaintance committed suicide, he said I wish he said something to me so maybe I could have done something. Well I shared with him 3 yrs later that i wanted to kill myself and embarrassed me by hollering out WHATTT! infront of a bunch of people. and didn’t have much else to say. I don’t understand this world ,nothing seems to make sense. I feel invisible in this world I help others when they need someone to listen to them, including friends but they seem to be unable to help me with my pain except for one but I cannot drain his empathy for me, it’s not fair to him