love, overlooked

  February 4th, 2009 by soriano7709

im an 18 yr old guy, military kid, divorced parents, plenty of moving.

ive moved many many times in my life all 4 high school years at different schools, freshman and junior were the same though. between GA and TX. One girl i met in 9th grade, A, was never the girl i saw myself dating, this same year i began dating a girl, Am, i dated for about a year. on and off. that same year i saw the movie the notebook. this may sound lame or ridiculous, but that movie really changed my life in that way. i began looking for that kind of love, it may seem to be a fantasy but i see it possible. after all the book was based on his father and mother in laws i believe. i wont settle for less than that, the feeling of knowing someone loves you back has got to be the best feeling in the world. and i dont think ill ever feel that. The 9th grade relationship ended(Am) after 3 months away for sophomore year. i had one short relationship that year but it was basically an attempt to fill her spot. then i moved back. Upon moving back i dated one girl, (M), for about 7 months, until i found out i was moving again. i had to tell her since i knew i couldn’t hold that from her. not long after, she broke it off. after that i had almost given up until i realized that A was the one i should have been with the whole time. the girl i met but never dated in 9th grade. she was always there when i needed help and everything and she fit in nearly everyway. i asked her and she denied since i was moving, yet we would both tell eachother we loved one another. even sending random long messages of how muched we missed each other and how we were stupid for never trying to see if it would work. now im in TX again and she is in GA still, it has been about 8 months since ive seen her but i still hold her at the highest place in my heart, i have fooled around here in an attempt to break her from myself but all has failed. recently she began dating someone too. she still has messages ive sent her about how i feel saved to her phone, she got a new phone i think a couple days ago and asked me to resend it. yet she told me she thinks she loves her new bf. i am going to see her next week and im hoping so desperately everything will come back. if it doesnt i dont know what im going to do. i need her so bad i believe she is the one, and if she isn’t then who is? i can’t wait forever, it isn’t worth the pain of living alone with noone else to live for. y family is torn and noone cares about one another. i just wish i could hold her, for just one second of knowing we love each other i would give anything, even my life. not that suicide will give me releif, it is a way of ending the pain im going to endure for years to come. i cant wait for someone else. how can i? crying myself to sleep nightly wishing i had her to hold next to me isn’t very healthy i dont think, it may sound like obsession and i may be just desperate but i need the feeling i felt when she sent me the message telling me how she wished she would of stayed with me and that she loved me. what should i do…it has been about 8 months of the same feeling.

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