I was never considered pretty, never thought of as a beautiful young lady. Or a truely happy one for that matter. But everything changed when I met “him”. I can’t say he caused this aching dead feeling I have right now, because it was well before that it started, But he never helped. We went out for nearly 3 months. And I was really into him, I did most of my “firsts” with him. Including loosing my virginity, which people may consider I was a slag because I was only 12. But I loved him, and I thought he loved me. People will say “you don’t know what love is” But truly, my heart soared when I was with him, It felt like I was missing beats, I felt so comfortable and loved around him. It was unreal. He called me beautiful. He made me feel so special. But the worst thing was, he raped me. He took it from me by force, not by my permission. And using no protection I was deffinatly in danger of infection or worse, pregnancy. But at the time I blocked this thought out because I loved him. And I wanted “us” to work. But when four days later he ended things, thats when it hit he used me. And then I felt pain stronger than anything I’d ever expierenced in my entire life. People don’t realize it now, but there isn’t one time, that when i walk past him in school and he as little as looks at me, my heart tears apart inside my chest. I haven’t cut for almost a 6 months now, just under, But all these memories that are re-visiting me aren’t helping. But last time I cut I lost my best friend. I’m not ready for that right now. I need her more than anything. Sometimes I wish he’d come online and tell me he loves me still and wants an us again. I just wanna pour my heart and soul out to him. But I guess I’ll never get that chance. :'(