I so wish I could rewind my life and go back to start over. I was driving hone from work today and I just had a constant thought running through my mind…I want to just keep driving, never to look back, just start my life over, somewhere no one knows me, knows my past…There’s parts of me I hate. When did I become the person who does half the things I do. I look at myself in the mirror and I get disgusted. I had so many dreams for my life, and who I am now, was not one of them. I don’t understand how someone can feel so alone when surrounded by people. On the outside I act like I am fine, and I’m never fine. I want to go back to the days where I had no worries. I know I promised so many people I wouldn’t harm myself again…but I don’t know what else to do. Thoughts of suicide just seem to be my best friend now.
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I relate with the desire to start life over. You CAN start live over in the body you have now. I was so depressed and suicidal for y-e-a-r-s and thankfully, with the help of many I was able to turn things around. But, this isn’t about me. It’s about YOU!
At one time or another, I think everyone has had thoughts of suicide. You are not alone in that feeling but you do have a choice to make – in the words of the Clash – “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Personally, I think you should stay.
You mentioned there are parts of you that you hate.
What parts of you do you love? What are the things is life you enjoy doing? What makes you smile, causes your heart to sing and sets you off in fits if laughter? There must be something…
PLEASE reach out if these suicidal thoughts persist and call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Your life is worth something. Your life is precious. Don’t Give Up! You are not alone.
Hi, I love the idea of your website but I would like to comment on your statement “I wish I could rewind my life” YOU CAN. I am a filmmaker and I have been showing people how to stop depression and suicide. It is a technique that I discovered working with depressed actors. Suicidal people are very intelligent and closer to the truth than many regular people. The combination of Science and Faith cures suicidal thought and we do it everyday. My site is dedicated to the end of suicide. Be well
You can click on my name and stop suicide and depression. Be well
I am glad that you took the time to post this. You searching for help and reaching out to people is a big deal. I once felt the exact same way you did. I wanted my pain to end, but I could see no other way of ending it than to end my life. The fact that you are writing this publicly for people to see is very courageous. From your writing, you seem like a very intelligent person, and although you say you feel alone, I can assure you that you are not.
This pain that you are feeling of lonliness and sadness must be very difficult for you. I can only hope that you will look into the mirror and see a wonderful person, because you are wonderful. I am sure you have touched the hearts of many people, as you have touched mine today. I have lost a sister and a best friend to sucide, and I can tell you with wholehearted honesty that you will be missed. You may have these intense feelings that you do not want to share with those who care about you, but please consider sharing them. If nothing else, please consider continuing to write here, and hopefully you will change your mind. 🙂
I feel the same way. I toil and toil and it seems like I continue to live just so other people will not feel uncomfortable and sad. I have reached an end. I have lost interest in the rat maze/race. I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to go out and pursue a new, higher paying job, I just do not have the energy. I want God to forgive me for the failings that I have had, all of them. I want love and compassion in my life and not judgement.
Long story short..we did not choose our birthdate,so we don’t get to set our death clock..I’ve learned my lesson the hard way..suicide can never b the way to end ur misery cz get what?you may fail to die and end up with a life long sickness,or you may die and be borned again to get an other life which will suck more than this one…Only the pain will cure ur soule,utill it’s clean enough to move to a better level:”THE GODNESS”…so hold ur pain,follow the path of love,embrace whatever life gives you..embrace what u can not change,and fight what can be changed..and pray 2 get the wisdom to know the difference betwen life situations…Have no fear,dogs on the streets find shalters and food,now u’re a son of god and ur dad will never leave u in need…
Just remember one more thing:”who ever that seeks money,money will controle them …but who seeks godness get to controle his own dewstiny…spend some time meditating,it will make ur life more peaceful..Peace my friend,I wish u all the best.
Hey I don’t know what kinda trouble you have, and I get what you feel, but I think it is possible to start you life now if you really want to. If it’s like really bad trouble with family or people around you, if you are of age you can get outta there and cut them all out of your life and act like the person you want to be. Of course changing yourself is very difficult, but with a freash start, even if you keep messin up, if you’re detemined enough, I bet you can. I had the luck to get the fresh start three years ago and I totally messed it up again triggering my depression more severly but I ddin’t mess up as nearly as bad as before so that gives me comfort. Thankfully enough, I get outta this place soon and I’m gonna have another freash start, I’m excited. Hopefully, you can make a situaiton like that for yourself too.
I definately can relate to how you’re feeling. Ironically, I googled the same words and came across your entry. As much as I am against ending ones life to releave their misery, because i belive we should stand up and try our best to overcome our obstacles. However, misery and burdens are not the roots of suicidal cases. Ssometimes it’s not the misery you want to detach yourself from, but it’s the craving for a fresh slate.. A life without a past.. A new start… These are dreams that make the suicidal thoughts creep up along our spine….every so often.. Am I being selfish for wanting a brand new life?.. One of the reasons I haven’t gone over the edge is the fear of being reborn into a life that is more difficult than the one I have now… But that’s just my opnion, because I belive in the afterlife. My advice is take everyday at a time , believe in yourself, and life is all about striving for dreams.. Otherwise they wouldn’t be called “dreams”, right?… Everday I look in the mirror and “just breathe”.. I remind myself… “things will turn out ok” .. And I smile.. Just like you .. I’m surrounded by people .. Yet I seem to be in a place that is dark, lonely, hope is what makes me await for the light to shine through the curtains. To me light can be something as small as making someone else smile. I always like to see other people happy, it’s the best part of my day.. Exuberating my smile makes others smile… Smiling is contagious.. So, ultimately I want to deter you from those prickly thoughts, talk to someone you trust, new doors and vistas can be opened in your life.. These doors maybe better than your expectations of a new life .. P.s My life has turned around after I started working in a hospital and in retail.. It just takes one compliment or smile to make any day into a great day …
I know what you mean. I wish I could start over. I fucked up my life so bad that it almost seem without repair. It is even more depressing when I go on facebook or myspace and see people I went to high school with have successful careers and graduate from really good colleges like Duke or Harvard. I am single, completely alone, unemployed with less than $10 to my name, all my good friends have stole money from me in the promise to make me money, I don’t like what I see in the mirror, and im hungry but have no money for food. If I had $500 for a gun I would easily point that pistol to my head and pull the trigger. I just have this constant dread that it is going to get worse and I can’t win the fight. I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and make things right again but I can’t.
literally i know how you feel. I wish I wasn’t who I was today I wish I could go back literally 2-3 years ago n do things so differently. Ugh! honestly I know its hard, believe me I cry myself to sleep eveynight just going through things in my life in my head. No ones knows how i truly feel. And wat makes me feel even more like shit, you the saying you treat the ones in your life like shit that you who will always be there for you.. Well for me thats my mom. She tries so hard to make me happy she literally will drop anything she is doing to do anything for me, but honestly it sucks cuz the happiness she gives is only a temp, it goes away so fast, n im back to hating myself a couple of mins later. No one understands and i dont think anyone will and the only way i can figure out how to make everything ok is you know to just end it, however i think bout it all the time but i doubt ill do it cuz i dont wana be known for killing myself and putting grief to my family we just lost 2 family members from thanksgiving and around new years ….Idk i feel my life sucks n I honestly dont give a crap about anything