i don’t have much to say, but the worst part of why i want to kill myself is that nothing bad has ever happened to me. nothing really bad. i have parents who love me. i’m engaged to be married. until recently i had a good job, but a job loss isn’t the cause of this, i’ve wanted to die since i was fifteen. whenever anything goes wrong in any capacity i think about it. i can’t stop it and i don’t want to think about it but i do. it’s selfish i guess, for attention maybe, but all the people that hurt me, i just want to see their faces when they get the news. that’s the catch 22 i guess, if i did it, i couldn’t see how they felt. maybe i wouldn’t want to see.