people love me. My family, my amazing boyfriend, all my friends. but they don’t understand me. I just get sad. I had a hard childhood of bullyin. now I’m headin for highschool, and i guess I’m excited. but I come from a poor family so I need to work my ass off to get scholarships and stuff. the pressure is awful. one slip, one lil mistake of a grade or somthin and I won’t be able to stay in the world I am right now. and I cut. it feels good. my bf though has no idea how to react, he is soo sweet and he keeps my mind off of my suicidal side whenever he’s around but when he’s gone it punches me in the gut. it’s funny because I could lead a normal challening life and I can’t see to do it…it sux. i wanna die cuase I’m not happy. when i think back I feel like i was fakin things. like I’ve never been happy before. the depression is gonna kill me..
2 comments
hey, girl(to dumb to get your name, so just guessing)!
I’m calling from overseas and you might just let me tell you one thing (I’m older and hence I may write like this): superior education brings you only as far as you want to go. finish high school, enter college and graduate at university, if you feel like it. Doesn’t mean you made it, because if you won’t work afterwards, or find a prospering partner in the meantime, then you’ll end up where you started from.
Nothing but the truth to lower your spirits, eh?
Anyway, as you say, life sucks. most of the time anyway. But I manage to survive due to profound cowardness and lack of the skill to kill myself.
Agonizing as it is sometimes and hardpressed as I felt sometimes, I am finding rejoice in the waiting for death, i. e. aging, and peace in solitude.
And NO, I’m not 87 years old, I’m only 27. And yes, I’m no native speaker of the English language, hence missing idioms and writing rather clumsily.
Would you nonetheless like to talk sometimes? Might help.
Shit, this is really clumsy – read my entry and you might understand.
Anyway, my e-mail is ultimate_rankster@gmx.de, if you would want to talk. My personal death-discussion you can find by the name of “thor” in this menagerie.
haha thanx…made me feel much better! Ya I am a girl btw.