Why Doesn’t Anyone Notice?

Why are people so oblivious? Why does no one seem to care? It’s not like I’m making it hard to read. I tell you up front. I explain in advance. I beg for help. I scream out my problems in horrid detail.

I’m depressed.
I’m angry.
I’m a cutter.
I want to die.

And still my “friends” are able to overlook it. Still my “friends” don’t see when I’m in a bad mood. They are genuinely surprised when I make excuses to leave. They are honestly astonished when I tell them it was a bad day. (“I figured you were tired.”)

My confidant called me up crying when F just mentioned the S word, but he doesn’t blink when he sees the scars. (“I can’t read your blog anymore. It makes me depressed.”)

I am a boat in the middle of an ocean of ambivalence. My “friends” are busy cutting the only ties I have to the shore. I don’t even know if I want it to end, but I just want someone to care enough to try to stop me. (“I really wouldn’t be sad if he died.”)

(Actually quotes taken from the people I’d like to consider my best friends. The last is out of context and not directly about me, but it makes me wonder about my status on the sad scale.)