Why are people so oblivious? Why does no one seem to care? It’s not like I’m making it hard to read. I tell you up front. I explain in advance. I beg for help. I scream out my problems in horrid detail.
I’m a cutter.
I want to die.
And still my â€œfriendsâ€ are able to overlook it. Still my â€œfriendsâ€ donâ€™t see when Iâ€™m in a bad mood. They are genuinely surprised when I make excuses to leave. They are honestly astonished when I tell them it was a bad day. (â€œI figured you were tired.â€)
My confidant called me up crying when F just mentioned the S word, but he doesnâ€™t blink when he sees the scars. (â€œI canâ€™t read your blog anymore. It makes me depressed.â€)
I am a boat in the middle of an ocean of ambivalence. My â€œfriendsâ€ are busy cutting the only ties I have to the shore. I donâ€™t even know if I want it to end, but I just want someone to care enough to try to stop me. (â€œI really wouldnâ€™t be sad if he died.â€)
(Actually quotes taken from the people Iâ€™d like to consider my best friends. The last is out of context and not directly about me, but it makes me wonder about my status on the sad scale.)