Another night when I’m kinda glad I dont own a gun.
Thought I’d see what happens after this post
I feel like I got delt a fucked hand of cards, the short end of the stick for lack of a beter metaphor
Ive failed at almost everything ive tried
I’m not some stupid highschool kid feeling depressed because of a bad relationship, though I am 20
I do go to a jr college where I dont belong. I dont fit in in this plastic mtv life
Ive felt like this since I was 14 I cant succeed at anything I do whether its music, relationships ( with anyone ) school, jobs,
pretty much anything ive dove into. My family and friends know im depressed hell ive been diagnosed for depression
noone has the answers for me the only thing getting me by is music and numbing myself with brew and cannabis
I have no hope left life is meaningless the pills dont work nothing makes sense I swear I’m growing less intelligent every month
The holes been dug too deep I cant climb out and Im so apathetic I just take what I can to run away from another day
God cant help me Ive asked. Ive learned theres nothing there I wont use it as a crutch its just a story for bribing people with false hope and placebos
Ive lost the only one Ive loved. I tried 3 times, 3 years to have her, but like with everything else im ill equipped to get what i’m after
I give myself 2 weeks to get well or Ill go out with a bang. The ONLY thing holding me back is all the sorrow I will cause for my family who have done so much for me, that really bums me out but how much longer can I go on when Im so hollow
Ive never posted anything on the internet, it feels wierd doing this, but I guess its come to that point
please,
give me some wisdom
2 comments
Hello there, My alias is Phoung. Its a pleasure to meet you. At the end of my comment i will leave you my email and i encourage you to come and talk to me. I will not judge you and i will do my best to understand what you are conveying to me. I look forward to your email.
well, Nametaken. From what it sounds like–you have been dealt a very bad hand. And i know you have much more to say behind that post.
Depression can affect everything in ones own life. Such as socilaization and studying. Depression can cause one to feel like a failure or some outcast. But really, this isn’t the truth. Dont let this cloud your judgment. I believe you arent a failure. You have reached out for help and that is a big step for anyone to take. And its hard for others to suceed in doing so.
You aren’t a failure. You fail when you let life take over and defeat you. Right now, life is putting you through things unimaginable to others. But we can only give you the deep and closest of our empathies.
sorry my comp spazzed out….
Hello there, My alias is Phoung. Its a pleasure to meet you. At the end of my comment i will leave you my email and i encourage you to come and talk to me. I will not judge you and i will do my best to understand what you are conveying to me. I look forward to your email.
well, Nametaken. From what it sounds like–you have been dealt a very bad hand. And i know you have much more to say behind that post.
Depression can affect everything in ones own life. Such as socilaization and studying. Depression can cause one to feel like a failure or some outcast. But really, this isn’t the truth. Dont let this cloud your judgment. I believe you arent a failure. You have reached out for help and that is a big step for anyone to take. And its hard for others to suceed in doing so.
You aren’t a failure. You fail when you let life take over and defeat you. Right now, life is putting you through things unimaginable to others. But we can only give you the deep and closest of our empathies.
We can be here when you want us to be. Its your decision whether or not you want to come and talk to any of us.
as for getting unintelligant i dont think so. you may feel that way, but that is only the depression doing its worst of magic. You may feel so down you arent motivated to do anything muchlesss think straight at all.
The only way you can climb out of the hole you dug is to put forth effort. You have to fight against this depression. If nothing seems to be working–fight harder. I know you are a soldier. you have made it thus far in you life, you fought depression since you were 14. dont give up now. 20 is still young You have yet to experiance more of what life still has to offer.
If any of the “prescriptions” arent working try something new. If any therapy isn’t working–get a new therapist. these are things that i encourage.
As for the God thing. I dont have much to say there because well, i am not a very reliogious person [despite the fact that i know very well the feeling of not believing in God anymore.]. all i can say is keep your chin up. There are brighter days even when the sky is gray. But its your decision whether or not youre willing to keep on fighting to seek out these brighter days.
It really shouldn’t matter if your well or ill equipped. if one method fails try another. You should keep an open mind and look at all the possiblites for ever out come of every situation. Like myself for example. I come here, i dont know what kind of posts to expect so i expect the unexpected. the only thing i know in the end, is that they will come and talk to me.
Dont feel that your life is a time frame. That is one of the biggest mis understandings many make. you have all the time in the world to change everything. You can change when you want where you want. There is not clock. The point of the matter will be that you change to seek relief for all the overwhelming shit in your life.
and youre not hollow. you’ve become so numb by life its hard to find any motivation or joy in things. like i said, dont let your judgement be so clouded. I encourage you to put forth effort for yourself. Suicide is not the answer for you. 20 is still young and im sure you still have aspiration.
I encourage you to come and talk to me, but its your choice whether or not you want to. Also, im just a little curious about the woman you mentioned; a 3 year relationship thing. i am only curious but i still like to know.
silly.snowball@Yahoo.com
i check them daily so dont hesitate to send me a message. i would love to hear from you.